What Would I Save?

I've got fifty-three thousand ideas crashing around in my head for blog posts, but am so frazzled right now I can't shake any out.

Here's my saving grace. When I read this idea at Oh The Joys, I knew my answer right away, without even having to ponder. If there were a fire, and The Man and the girls were already safely out, what would I save?

This.



I'm surprised you can't see my ass print still in the cushion. I don't know how I'd get my Chaise-and-a-Half out of the fire by myself, but I tell you what, you can bet your butt I'd get 'er done.


** I have to disclose that the intention for the other writers was probably to inspire some thoughtful, creative, powerful writing. I was too lazy not inspired in that manner, so for more profound reading, look below.

-----------------------------------

This post was written as part of Catherine and Tracey’s “My Favorite Thing…” writing prompt.

My Favorite Thing - post a picture of an object or objects (we know that your children are your most valued whatevers, but we're going OBJECTS here. Books, art, photos, mementos, shoes, garden gnomes, television set, whatever) that is/are dear to your heart. What would you grab if your house were one fire? What would you fire your partner for breaking/losing/defacing/disrespecting?

Feel free to join in and publish a post on this theme. All you are asked to do is copy the list of participants and add it to the bottom of your post -- and don't forget to add yourself!

For more posts on the “My Favorite Thing…” theme, click these...

Sweetney
Her Bad Mother
Girls Gone Child
Breed Em And Weep
Oh The Joys
Mamalogues
Whoorl
Izzy Mom
Mother Bumper
all things BD

Easter Egg Contest Results

I can now reveal the creators of the Easter Eggs and announce the winner. Although if you looked at the comments, the announcement of the winner will be gigantically anticlimactic.

And the winner was... Loodle! Beaten by a five year old. Shameful.

Red Swirlie Egg was created by Loodle, and the steps were as follows: submerge egg, roll around for a few seconds, plop egg into egg carton while still dripping, allowing accumulated dye to gather in the bottom of the egg cup and render the bottom of the egg "Swirlie". I don't care for accidental art. (Sniffs imperiously)

Egg of Many Colors was created by The Man, and he was CONVINCED this was the best egg ever. I don't know why, but I think it has something to do with the way he wears three different shades of blue together in one outfit. He created his egg by balancing it in the dye kinda sideways, and then doing that again in different colors.

Hemispheres was done by me, BD. I would like to thank all of you who voted for me, as my ego had taken quite a bruising on Saturday when I had to make up my own obscure category in order to win SOMETHING. I was able to create this look easily, as our egg cups were wide and squat, thus making the dye very shallow. I merely suspended half horizontally into one color, then the other half in another color, then finally turned it vertical for the final color. Mad skillz.

Finally, we have Boodle's Pink and Purple and Pink egg. No one showed her any love, but she's tough and knows her own worth. In the end, she decided to roll all her eggs (except this one) into every color, so all her eggs turned out looking like mold. They were awesome. Loodle did not understand this choice, and kept asking why Boodle wanted to make her eggs ugly. One wonders where she gets off.

At any rate, thank you for voting. You've made one five year old very happy, as she's been asking multiple times daily how the voting is progressing (I think she's confused about how many people will ACTUALLY be voting, and is convinced that America is in on the decision since we recently had the Presidential primary vote here in Texas), and will be overjoyed to know she's won.

R.I.P. Fashion Tuesday

That's it. The train from Crazy Fashion Town has left the station. Loodle has progressed from fantastically cuh-razy wear to everything must be pink for crying out loud wear, and that just isn't blog worthy anymore, as anyone raising girls can attest to.

So, if she puts together something particularly blinding, I'll share, but for now, I bring you your moment of zen:

It Worked! Almost.

Here is Pinky Bear:




Notice the disgusting brownish grossness on the edge of him. This is what Loodle chews on each night in order to fall asleep. Yuck and more yuck. I have to wash it frequently, obviously, and the dentist told her she had to give it up when her big girl teeth start coming in.

Not one to miss an opportunity, I started talking it up when we knew Boodle had to give up Silky, and Loodle decided this weekend we could do it. However, she would not let go of the whole bear, just the part she chews on. Behold the newly named Snuggle Bear:



A little frightening to my eyes, but Loodle handled the amputation just fine. That night, The Man laid down with her in bed to help her get to sleep, much as I'd done with Boodle after the Silky removal.

Alas, my hard fought victory was severely short lived. We went in to do the nightly check in before going to bed ourselves, and see the ears on the bear? Yeah, they are the perfect size to chew on, apparently.

Aside from an ear-ectomy, we're back to buying a coffin memory box and retiring the whole thing.

An Easter Poll

Happy Easter!!

In the tradition that has been standing for centuries now, I bring you the colored Easter Egg Poll. Well, maybe it hasn't been around for centuries, and it's technically not a tradition, but still... Colored eggs! Your opinion! What could be better?

We have four contenders for best egg, and we need your votes to determine the winner. The artists' names have been omitted so as not to sway the judges, so please vote for your favorite egg in the comments by referring to its caption name. Thank you. Good luck to me, since the only contest I won was for a category I created myself: Best Pink Egg With Cracks On It. I'm awesome.


Red Swirlie:



Egg of Many Colors:




Hemispheres:



Pink and Purple and Pink:

Good Friday

Boodle had the day off of school today. Not because of Good Friday. The district calls this a bad weather make up day. If school is closed some other time of the year, this is the day they can make up some of that time.

This day, of all the days of the year. Yeah, I'm buying it.

Drove over to a Chuck E. Cheese (we used to call it Charles Fromage so the kids wouldn't know of what we were speaking) type place for bad buffet food and obnoxiously loud games, and on the way, we explained what Good Friday was all about. Loodle knows about Palm Sunday and Easter, but not this one. Took it all in without comment, and all is well.

This weekend, we are attempting to divest Loodle of her Pinky Bear, her beloved lovey that she chews on each night in order to fall asleep. After Boodle recently retired her Silky to it's coffin memory box, Loodle said she would be ready to get rid of hers. However, in her mind, this consists of cutting all of the remaining blanket portion of the blanket bear, leaving only the unchewable, disembodied head and arms. Fine, as long as she's not chewing on it, I'm cool with Disturbing Lovey 2.0.

So tonight, I asked her if this is the night, and she's clutching PB to her chest, saying, no not tonight, let's do it tomorrow.

After a slight pause, The Man chimes in with "Hey, if you get rid of it tonight, it might come back in three days."

Our church would be so proud.

Human Tetris

A post by Rhea that mentioned a Japanese game show reminded me of something The Man showed me a while back. I had to share because even though we've got some wacky game shows and reality TV, the Japanese have us beat hands down.

Wordless Wednesday: How to Lose Your Allowance In Two Easy Letters

The Incredible Shrinking Blog

So, I noticed that on Monday my blog began shrinking, just as my traffic was growing. I had no idea what changed, but all the sidebar stuff and the posts below the Monday post was now in a teeny tiny font.

Being the great mouse detective that I am, I spun my wheels trying the same 4 things in the Blogger Settings/Layout/Postings areas over and over again, to no avail. So, I finally looked at the last post that looked normal, and lo and behold, when I examined the Html code for that "What Level Is Your Blog?" link, there was an extra line of stuff that included the word small.

My jove, X marks the spot! A few delete strokes later, and we're back to normal. I have no idea what any of the code means, but I know that pictures/links should end with "a>", not with something containing the word small.

So, for all of you new to this place through my miraculous win on Pioneer Woman's blog, please don't leave because you suddenly felt the need for bifocals. Feel free to leave because you thought this had something to do Bio-Degradable products and were sorely mistaken.

Fashion Tuesday

Okay, so this isn't really a fashion, per se. This is actually the length to which The Man went to in trying to jolly Boodle into getting ready for her orthodontist appointment last week. Nothing says spring break like having a giant metal appliance permanently affixed to the roof of your mouth. Sorry Boodle, but at least we can humiliate your Dad in the process.

Although... the below image is from John Galliano's Fall Collection, so The Man is not that far afield in his headdress of choice.

And That's, Like, THE Worst Level

Of course. Of COURSE my blog would be mired in middle school/junior high. Because those were magical years filled with a burgeoning obsessive compulsive disorder and six inch growth spurt, causing my freak flag to wave proudly.



Thanks (I think) to Cara Dee for visiting me, compelling me to visit her, and exposing me to this new level of shame.

I WON!!

So, I love to read The Pioneer Woman. She is funny, takes great photos, and even cooks! Periodically, she has a "Give This Photo a Title" contest, and I always enter, along with around 3,567 other people.

Well, I won!!! I can't believe it. There were some really good entries, so I'm honored to be among such talented... Wait. This sounds too much like an oscar night speech. It was a contest, for crying out loud.

Sweet!

There, that perfectly describes my happiness.

Fashion Tuesday: The "Oops I Forgot to Post This" Thursday Edition

Either Pepto Bismol threw up in here, or today is pink day at chez BD.


The top is strategically tucked in so as to showcase the bedazzled portion of the skirt. We love our bedazzlement around here.

Hmmmm, looks good, but still...




It needs a little something (besides TWO purses and an agressive headband).



Right. A necklace and superfly shades. Which require yet another receptacle in which to carry stuff.

Wordless Wednesday

Desperate Housewives

The area we moved into in Central Texas can be a little Stepford Wives/Desperate Housewives. We are in an affluent, planned community, and the majority of families have a stay-at-home mom like myself. I think some people get wrapped up in minutia so as to fill their day with import and substance.

I will be attending a meeting in a few weeks for moms with kids starting Kinder in the fall. They will be meeting with moms who have a kinder kid THIS year, in order for them to impart much wisdom and inside information regarding teachers/classes/etc. This is so bizarre. Back in the day, you just showed up the first day with your Wonder Woman lunch box, complete with noodle soup in the thermos, and got down to business.

Now, we're going to dissect each teacher's abilities, and formulate strategies for getting our child through this tumultuous time in their school career. They're FIVE for. crying. out. loud. As long as they can zip up their pants and don't wipe boogers on their neighbor, I think that's a success.

I have to admit to getting bunged up about Loodle starting school already reading WAY ahead of her age, and showing some good math skills. Will she be bored? Do they have a gifted/talented program? Will they foster her LOVE for LEARNING? Should I just start investing in her therapy bills NOW?

Another thing that's been going on in our neighborhood are the very URGENT emails regarding poisonous plastics that caused Sheryl Crow's cancer and how we need to sign petitions against assaulting children in South Africa.

Now, I'm all for finding cures for cancer, and trying to foster change in the way they prosecute/sentence monsters who abuse children, but REALLY? Can we just do a little research before sending out these emails that purport that reheating a plastic bowl or using a water bottle that has been in your van for a few weeks will cause cancer? Can we all discuss the situation in Africa without sending out a useless petition that will affect no change except to exonerate you from ACTUAL action?

Jiminy Christmas, can they please just take a moment to do some research, check sites like snopes.com before sending these things out? I've got enough trouble fending off emails about enlarging my husband's "pennis".

Lastly, here is an email string that went around, with pertinent names omitted to protect the foolish, that perfectly reflects the mania that can set in. The first paragraph is an alert sent from the actual police, and all that follow are from the neighbors:

"The Police Department and the County Sheriffs Office are investigating reports of an elderly white male, balding with a short hair cut in the back, that has reportedly been soliciting children after they get off the school bus and asking them to pet sit his dog for cash. The man was seen driving a white 4 door sedan with no license plate. There has been one reported incident on February 19, 2008 at approximately 3:30pm and one reported incident in Apache Shores on February 22, 2008 at approximately 3:30pm. Parents, please remind children to be aware of their surroundings, do not approach strangers and report any suspicious behavior. If you see suspicious activity call 911 immediately."
--
"I actually saw a strange man walking down our street (Grand Champion) yesterday afternoon. I was standing in the house and saw him through the window. He was walking up the sidewalk and drinking a soda. It struck me as very strange because he did not look like he belonged to the neighborhood and he was closely studying the houses, my open garage in particular. Be careful!!"
--
"I have seen a "strange" man with a suspicious something about him walking through our cul-da-sac too..last week. He was also starring at our house, especially Wilson who was going in the back yard. My husband says he has seen him walking before, that he must live in the neighborhood. Still..there was just something scary about him. (I hope he's not anybodies husband in the playgroup...lol). Maybe I've watched too many movies. Anyway..next time I see him, maybe I'll follow him...with my dog..."
--
"I too have seen him. I think he lives on Grand Champion. He is very
strange and does stare a lot. I've noticed him several times and saw
him at the mailbox yesterday."
--
"Not that I want to get everyone all panicky, but what's that website that shows whether there are any convicted pedophiles living in your neighborhood? I know I've used it when we lived in California, but can't remember the name of it. It would be good to perhaps check it out."
--
"is everyone talking about the one man that goes on "daily" walks, kinda long hair/ponytail. i want to say he has an american-indian look to him, but that might just be me. is he anyone's neighbor?
or is it the "elderly white balding male" everyone is talking about?"
--
"The man I am talking about is an older white male. It seems like he
was wearing glasses and a cap every time I have seen him."
--
"Well, if he's also wearing Ipod earphones, I think you may have spotted my husband!"


After that last email went out, you could hear grass grow in the ensuing silence. I about fell out of my chair laughing. Imagine, the whole hysteria was building and building, only to find out they were living in mortal fear of this lady's HUSBAND! Too good. Please take up a hobby, ladies.

It's Too Soon!

I took Boodle, age 7 1/2, to WalMart (no comments please, they also have groceries and a McDonald's there, so my whole to do list is knocked out in one fail swoop) in order to purchase a new pair of shoes.

(Take a breath, BD. Don't panic.)

We tried on 5 pair of shoes before coming to the following realization:

(Calm. Be calm, BD.)

She had to move up to the women's sizes.

(Gulp. Oh, SH*T!))

My baby is, or at least her giant clodhoppers are, big enough for women's shoes. I know it's because I have freakishly large children, but still. She could conceivably wear her GRANDMA'S shoes when she visits California. (Think of all the extra space in her suitcase!)

Oy. I'm not ready for her to grow up yet. I have always looked forward to new milestones, even at 7 1/2, but this one just hit me between the eyes. I'm not THAT far away from training bras and maxipad lessons.

God be with us, each and every one.

An Ugly (Not-So) Secret

After seeing Jen's brand spanking newly organized pantry, I decided to unveil my shame and show you my pantry in all it's ugly glory.



Having a large pantry does not automatically translate to more organized space. For me, it translates to more space to disorganize.

Let's explore more closely, shall we? (Oh, it's SO early for "shall we".) (That quote is for mamaDB: NAME IT!)

Top Shelf, or Shelf #1:



This shelf represents two categories: kitchen devices that we never use which I am too stubborn to discard (George Foreman gets no love from BD), and snacks that are weird. A bucket of Halloween pretzels that children inexplicably were nonplussed with while trick or treating; and a box of snack size Pringles, which have been there for two months unopened, as they don't come packaged in the awesomely pleasing canister, rendering them inedible.



Shelf #2:



This shelf represents stuff I cook with (oils, croutons that are rarely used for salad, but instead to coat chicken at least once a week) and Level I snacks. Oh, the snacks. Individually, not so bad, but maybe you can't see that this is the FRONT layer of cracker boxes and pretzel bags. There is an entire layer behind this one of opened boxes of crackers of myriad varieties. Don't worry though, because those pretzel chips have 0g TRANS FAT. I'm pretty sure that holds even when dredged through peanut butter or a cheese ball.



Shelf #3:



This shelf contains canned goods and, um, boxed stuff and pasta. AND, FOUR jars of opened peanut butter. There is indeed ANOTHER jar hidden behind some pasta. Did I mention there's pasta?



Shelf #4:



This shelf has Level II snacks, which are snacks that are at the girls' level. It also has oatmeal and oatmeal and oatmeal SQUARES and Barbie cereal. Barbie CEREAL, with marshmallows. Can no room in this house remain untouched by her pink tentacles?




Shelf #5:



CEREAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And an Octodog maker. Have you seen this? It's genius.




Floor space:



Drinks, drinks and enough drinks to make it impossible to actually enter the pantry. Plus, Costco now carries this delicious Chicken Tortilla Soup, so one must stock up. Having seen the carnage on Shelf #3, you now see why it lines the floor.

So, what's inside YOUR pantry?

Wordless Wednesday: Dry Dock

Fashion Tuesday: Nocturnal Accessorization

Some of you may not realize that the proper accessory can really improve upon a good night's sleep.

First, the accessory:

Ikea's night light, in our house entitled "Whopper Bopper".



Now, here's how Loodle WORKS it:



Thank God we discovered this while her pull-up was still dry.


(Please ignore: the bear she's got jammed in her mouth which has served as her pacifier since she was 6 months old and has gotten shorter and shorter as mildew set in; the doll from the Family Guy, a show which we do not watch. She won it at the Santa Monica Pier, and we couldn't pry it from her hands.)

The Man Rules All

The past 5 days have kind of blown chunks, to put it bluntly. Maybe later I'll bore you with my sad familial drama, but for now, let me just tell you that The Man rocks.

My husband, while dealing with work stress and battling a cold, took care of our kids for a giant portion of the weekend while I bounced between frantic phone calls, unreasonably yelling at my children, and depression over a situation about which I can do nothing.

He did this with little to no complaint, and with no begging on my part. I didn't really have to ask. He just stepped up and took care of me. Like he always does.

So while I'm all:





He's all:





And then we're all:



*Cat pictures courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

** Angry picture courtesy of one pissed off toddler