This is a collection of things I've overheard recently, either spoken by my kids or by strangers. Enjoy.
LOODLE: "Promise is a big word."
LOODLE, while playing soccer in the hallway: "You have to keep your legs together."
ME, under my breath: "That is good advice."
ANNOUNCER during Olympic Gymnastics trials: "It's amazing what she can do with 4 inches."
RANDOM GRANDMA with her two preteen granddaughters in Taco Cabana: "Mexicans can talk really loud."
RANDOM MOM to her toddler son: "Come here, lover."
THE MAN, sarcastically, when discussing my and Boodle's aversion to competition/losing: "I like to compete and I like to lose."
LOODLE: "Like when you play poker."
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
We're Here
We actually arrived in Hometown, California on Thursday, but we've been a little busy since we arrived, so I'm only now getting around to posting.
Yesterday was the annual Flower Festival. Did you know Hometown used to be the flower seed capitol of the world? Little known fact. Things have gone downhill in the flower seed business in recent years, but we still celebrate with a parade and carnival every June.
The parade. It used to be chock full of floats adorned with flowers and seeds, each one not quite reaching Rose Parade status, but impressive nonetheless. Now, we're lucky to get 5 or 6 floats, and they are flower-adjacent. Still, my kids and the cousins had a great time sitting in the gutter on the main drag and eating donuts and getting spoiled by the Grandmas.
After the parade, it was off to the park for festival food and carnival rides. Luckily, those two did NOT lead to unfortunate results. Aside from my mom not being able to get her fork to break the surface of her funnel cake, the food was awesome. Mmmmm, Lumpia (if you've never had this Filipino spring roll type item, you're not living). And it's pronounced "Loom-pee-ya".
And speaking of pronunciations, Hometown's name ends in "Poke", not "Pock". Please get it right, out of towners.
After fried food lunch, the kids got unlimited wristbands for the carnival rides, and then the machinations began. See, my kids are giant. Sister-in-law's kids are more on the normal/petite side. Boodle is 8 years old and is nearing 60 inches. Cousin A is 3, and is not yet 42 inches. This disparity caused much turmoil about who would ride what and with whom.
Also, the carnies conspired to make many a child and parent cry by instituting a minimum height rule. They had to be at least 36 inches to ride alone. This forced SIL to have to pay to ride on things like the Merry Go Round and the snail's pace train ride. After shelling out $50 for unlimited rides for the kids, there was no way in hell we were paying more for tickets. Luckily, SIL is BADASS and stormed over to the ticket booth and raised enough hell to get two VIP tickets for the rides. It pays to have a badass in the family.
On the other end of the spectrum, we had Boodle who was too tall for a lot of rides, so she opted for the ferris wheel. She bravely chose to go on it alone, and I stood off to the side watching her stand resolutely on the steps, not really wanting to ride alone, but pissed that she couldn't go on smaller rides and dammit she was going to ride SOMETHING. At the last minute, the who would EVER say the following word about a carnival worker sweet carny put her with two other girls in line in front of her. I almost cried. She had such a look of joy/relief on her face, and SIL and I watched her grinning and chatting with the other two girls as they went round and round.
That was awesome.
After that, things wound down. Kids wilted. Grandmas sagged. Parents collapsed.
Oh, and I bought a bracelet made from spoon handles. But that's a story for another day.
Yesterday was the annual Flower Festival. Did you know Hometown used to be the flower seed capitol of the world? Little known fact. Things have gone downhill in the flower seed business in recent years, but we still celebrate with a parade and carnival every June.
The parade. It used to be chock full of floats adorned with flowers and seeds, each one not quite reaching Rose Parade status, but impressive nonetheless. Now, we're lucky to get 5 or 6 floats, and they are flower-adjacent. Still, my kids and the cousins had a great time sitting in the gutter on the main drag and eating donuts and getting spoiled by the Grandmas.
After the parade, it was off to the park for festival food and carnival rides. Luckily, those two did NOT lead to unfortunate results. Aside from my mom not being able to get her fork to break the surface of her funnel cake, the food was awesome. Mmmmm, Lumpia (if you've never had this Filipino spring roll type item, you're not living). And it's pronounced "Loom-pee-ya".
And speaking of pronunciations, Hometown's name ends in "Poke", not "Pock". Please get it right, out of towners.
After fried food lunch, the kids got unlimited wristbands for the carnival rides, and then the machinations began. See, my kids are giant. Sister-in-law's kids are more on the normal/petite side. Boodle is 8 years old and is nearing 60 inches. Cousin A is 3, and is not yet 42 inches. This disparity caused much turmoil about who would ride what and with whom.
Also, the carnies conspired to make many a child and parent cry by instituting a minimum height rule. They had to be at least 36 inches to ride alone. This forced SIL to have to pay to ride on things like the Merry Go Round and the snail's pace train ride. After shelling out $50 for unlimited rides for the kids, there was no way in hell we were paying more for tickets. Luckily, SIL is BADASS and stormed over to the ticket booth and raised enough hell to get two VIP tickets for the rides. It pays to have a badass in the family.
On the other end of the spectrum, we had Boodle who was too tall for a lot of rides, so she opted for the ferris wheel. She bravely chose to go on it alone, and I stood off to the side watching her stand resolutely on the steps, not really wanting to ride alone, but pissed that she couldn't go on smaller rides and dammit she was going to ride SOMETHING. At the last minute, the
That was awesome.
After that, things wound down. Kids wilted. Grandmas sagged. Parents collapsed.
Oh, and I bought a bracelet made from spoon handles. But that's a story for another day.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
This Is NOT a Paid Advertisement
I think I'm going to marry the shower in room 5108 of the Holiday Inn in El Paso.
If you ever have to drive 97 hours across Texas, and just can't make it that last little bit to New Mexico, get off at Sunland Park and stay at the Holiday Inn.
The best part about the shower? Not the awesome water pressure. Not the great shower head with massaging, needlepoint spray action. Not the wonderful, aromatherapy soap.
This is where I am a freak. The best part was the shower curtain. Since childhood, I've harbored a giant fear of the bogeyman coming to get me in the shower. Too many inappropriate movies at an early age. I'm pretty sure I bought our current house based on the glass-walled shower in the master bath.
The shower curtain in the Holiday Inn has some kind of sheer material that runs from the top to about 1/3 of the way down, allowing me to see all nefarious characters before they can assault me.
I know, it's weird. But it was awesome.
If you ever have to drive 97 hours across Texas, and just can't make it that last little bit to New Mexico, get off at Sunland Park and stay at the Holiday Inn.
The best part about the shower? Not the awesome water pressure. Not the great shower head with massaging, needlepoint spray action. Not the wonderful, aromatherapy soap.
This is where I am a freak. The best part was the shower curtain. Since childhood, I've harbored a giant fear of the bogeyman coming to get me in the shower. Too many inappropriate movies at an early age. I'm pretty sure I bought our current house based on the glass-walled shower in the master bath.
The shower curtain in the Holiday Inn has some kind of sheer material that runs from the top to about 1/3 of the way down, allowing me to see all nefarious characters before they can assault me.
I know, it's weird. But it was awesome.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
That's Way More Appropriate
Tonight, still in the hotel room, and I'm trying to find something appropriate for the girls to watch on TV so they can wind down for bedtime. This is a time honored tradition in the BD household. We let the kids watch shows on Cartoon Network or Boomerang that we normally don't see at home.
I tried Nickelodeon first, but The George Lopez Show was on, and the topic was abuse by a boyfriend. Nope.
Switched over to Cartoon Network, but it was an anime show that was too violent.
Finally settled on HGTV. House Hunters is just our speed.
As I'm updating my blog and checking email, I'm not paying attention to the show. Boodle asks me "Why are the looking for a house together?"
I look over and it's two men shopping for a home. Together.
Oh, um, right. So, they are friends who are going to be roommates. Sure.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I tried Nickelodeon first, but The George Lopez Show was on, and the topic was abuse by a boyfriend. Nope.
Switched over to Cartoon Network, but it was an anime show that was too violent.
Finally settled on HGTV. House Hunters is just our speed.
As I'm updating my blog and checking email, I'm not paying attention to the show. Boodle asks me "Why are the looking for a house together?"
I look over and it's two men shopping for a home. Together.
Oh, um, right. So, they are friends who are going to be roommates. Sure.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
You're Where? And You're DRIVING?
I am currently sitting in a hotel room in El Paso, at the end of the first day of our three day driving trip to California.
I KNOW. I'm driving, with these gas prices, to Los Angeles from Central Texas with my two girls and no spouse. A little wacky, but considering we're going to be in Cali for a month, having the van to drive around in was the best option.
We made it to El Paso in 10 hours today, and gained an hour entering Mountain Time. After dinner at Red Lobster (mmmm, crab legs), I'm going to sleep the sleep of the just, feeling no remorse for taking a whole bed to myself while my 5 year old sleeps on the floor. Hey, she VOLUNTEERED.
Tomorrow we're off to Phoenix. Wish us luck!!
(I can't feel too stressed. At least I'm not doing this. If they can do that trip with 4 kids under the age of 4, I can manage three days with elementary aged children.)
I KNOW. I'm driving, with these gas prices, to Los Angeles from Central Texas with my two girls and no spouse. A little wacky, but considering we're going to be in Cali for a month, having the van to drive around in was the best option.
We made it to El Paso in 10 hours today, and gained an hour entering Mountain Time. After dinner at Red Lobster (mmmm, crab legs), I'm going to sleep the sleep of the just, feeling no remorse for taking a whole bed to myself while my 5 year old sleeps on the floor. Hey, she VOLUNTEERED.
Tomorrow we're off to Phoenix. Wish us luck!!
(I can't feel too stressed. At least I'm not doing this. If they can do that trip with 4 kids under the age of 4, I can manage three days with elementary aged children.)
Sunday, June 22, 2008
What Do You Say?
I took the girls to Main Event the other day for mini golf and money-sucking games, and ran into one of Boodle's classmates from the previous year. The girls ran off to play and I idly asked the mom how her second grade year had gone, as her daughter had transfered to a newly built elementary school.
She told me it hadn't gone that well, paused, and then tearfully told me that her husband had died in January after a THREE MONTH battle with pancreatic cancer.
Shit.
I immediately gave her a hug, this woman I've seen a sum total of twice in my life, and proceeded to talk to her for about 20 minutes about her life and how she was coping with the death of her husband. She's doing remarkable well, considering. She's a nurse and has been caring for and supporting her two daughters, with her parents' help and seems to be staying on her feet under the weight of sorrow I can't possibly comprehend.
I don't even remember half of what we said to each other, and I pray that I was at least of some comfort to her. She seemed to need to talk, and I just lent her a willing ear, and ended our conversation with another, possibly inappropriate, hug and told her that I was SO GLAD I had run into her and was thankful we had been able to talk.
What can you possibly say to someone in that situation? And how can I possibly go on and on about my trivial problems in the face of that kind of suffering?
My daughter got a really bad sunburn this week. But she was able to come home and get comfort from her father.
I had pretty bad PMS at the beginning of this week. But I got nothing but understanding from The Man.
I had no idea how to handle Boodle's disgusting blister in the morning before cheer camp. But I was able to wake up The Man and use his guidance in dealing with her discomfort.
I had to go to the dentist this week, and after an hour and a half of not so fun stuff, I was stuck with the same temporary crowns, instead of my nice, new permanent ones. I was going to have to deal with the temps for the whole month-long trip to California while they crafted new ones. But I was able to email The Man and complain, and he went along with my desire to not cook dinner and make myself feel better by going out to eat.
How can I possibly get bogged down in my own petty problems when I've still got my husband by my side? How can I possibly get frustrated with parenting, when I've got my girls' father here shouldering half the burden?
I hope God used my encounter with this woman to some kind of positive end for her, because it sure served as a giant change of perspective for me.
She told me it hadn't gone that well, paused, and then tearfully told me that her husband had died in January after a THREE MONTH battle with pancreatic cancer.
Shit.
I immediately gave her a hug, this woman I've seen a sum total of twice in my life, and proceeded to talk to her for about 20 minutes about her life and how she was coping with the death of her husband. She's doing remarkable well, considering. She's a nurse and has been caring for and supporting her two daughters, with her parents' help and seems to be staying on her feet under the weight of sorrow I can't possibly comprehend.
I don't even remember half of what we said to each other, and I pray that I was at least of some comfort to her. She seemed to need to talk, and I just lent her a willing ear, and ended our conversation with another, possibly inappropriate, hug and told her that I was SO GLAD I had run into her and was thankful we had been able to talk.
What can you possibly say to someone in that situation? And how can I possibly go on and on about my trivial problems in the face of that kind of suffering?
My daughter got a really bad sunburn this week. But she was able to come home and get comfort from her father.
I had pretty bad PMS at the beginning of this week. But I got nothing but understanding from The Man.
I had no idea how to handle Boodle's disgusting blister in the morning before cheer camp. But I was able to wake up The Man and use his guidance in dealing with her discomfort.
I had to go to the dentist this week, and after an hour and a half of not so fun stuff, I was stuck with the same temporary crowns, instead of my nice, new permanent ones. I was going to have to deal with the temps for the whole month-long trip to California while they crafted new ones. But I was able to email The Man and complain, and he went along with my desire to not cook dinner and make myself feel better by going out to eat.
How can I possibly get bogged down in my own petty problems when I've still got my husband by my side? How can I possibly get frustrated with parenting, when I've got my girls' father here shouldering half the burden?
I hope God used my encounter with this woman to some kind of positive end for her, because it sure served as a giant change of perspective for me.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
I'm Just Waiting
After reading this story of the World's Ugliest Dog Competition being won by a one-eyed, three-legged dog, I'm waiting for the backlash from the groups that support those with disabilities.
Just you wait. They'll come out protesting that the disabled are being mocked, call for a boycott of all further competitions and require sensitivity training for all involved. This is just the sort of thing people LOVE to get up in arms about.
Just like here in Hometown, Texas, when they had a pet adoption promotion recently. Seems they have a plethora of black cats and dogs that they were having a hard time getting adopted. Black being the color of evil and all. So they were offering some deal on them. However, it just so happened their promotion coincided with the city's Juneteenth celebration. You know, the one where we celebrate the emancipation of slaves?
Also an unfortunate coincidence? When a local grower, who waits until the prices, ripeness, etc of his crop are ideal and then offers his yearly promotion. His crop? Watermelons. Offered at the same time as the Juneteenth celebrations.
You can bet that both issues were widely discussed/demonized, despite the fact that they were MERE COINCIDENCE. This kind of thing will always cause an uproar for some people, and cooler heads will never prevail.
---
Just you wait. They'll come out protesting that the disabled are being mocked, call for a boycott of all further competitions and require sensitivity training for all involved. This is just the sort of thing people LOVE to get up in arms about.
Just like here in Hometown, Texas, when they had a pet adoption promotion recently. Seems they have a plethora of black cats and dogs that they were having a hard time getting adopted. Black being the color of evil and all. So they were offering some deal on them. However, it just so happened their promotion coincided with the city's Juneteenth celebration. You know, the one where we celebrate the emancipation of slaves?
Also an unfortunate coincidence? When a local grower, who waits until the prices, ripeness, etc of his crop are ideal and then offers his yearly promotion. His crop? Watermelons. Offered at the same time as the Juneteenth celebrations.
You can bet that both issues were widely discussed/demonized, despite the fact that they were MERE COINCIDENCE. This kind of thing will always cause an uproar for some people, and cooler heads will never prevail.
---
Friday, June 20, 2008
Oh, You Have to Read This
Please go read this post over at Foolery, because it is one of the funniest things I've read in a long time.
If I were cool, and had some ability to create a little button thingy with a snazzy award that I could then bestow upon Foolery, I would totally do that. But I'm not and I don't and I can't so I won't.
---
If I were cool, and had some ability to create a little button thingy with a snazzy award that I could then bestow upon Foolery, I would totally do that. But I'm not and I don't and I can't so I won't.
---
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Sunburn Update
All those small blisters banded together to form one GIANT blister, whose prime directive is to take over the planet. Or to make me want to throw up, which is why I wisely chose not to post a photo here. Suddenly, converting to Islam and having us all wear burkhas sounds kind of appealing.
After much drama (aside to The Man: sorry we woke you up and thanks for being there) this morning and another pissed off conversation with Cheer Staff, I dropped the girls off late to camp, praying that Boodle will still have a great time horseback riding today. If I find out she had any problems, may God help Peppy McCheers-a-lot when I open up a can of whoop-ass.
After much drama (aside to The Man: sorry we woke you up and thanks for being there) this morning and another pissed off conversation with Cheer Staff, I dropped the girls off late to camp, praying that Boodle will still have a great time horseback riding today. If I find out she had any problems, may God help Peppy McCheers-a-lot when I open up a can of whoop-ass.
Mother Pus Bucket
I'm trying to remain calm, even 24 hours after Boodle came home from Cheer Camp looking like this:
That's not moisture on her shoulder blade, it's BLISTERS. Second degree sunburn blisters. Are you freaking kidding me, you just fried my kid for the first time in her life, blisters.
They went swimming for several hours in the midday Texas sun, and I was assured that sunscreen was applied every hour. Both my girls told me that it was only applied once when they first arrived. I believe the girls, but they also lie/have terrible memories for some stuff. However, the evidence tends to support THEIR story. One of the coaches had the gall to tell me when I called to complain that, yeah, even one of the coaches got burned. Hello? Can't even take care of your own skin, and are responsible for a group of scatterbrained elementary school girls? Not confidence inspiring.
I'm ashamed to say that when I talked with the staff this morning, I didn't do the mama roar all over their asses, because I HATE confrontation with a passion. However, I did have a very pointed, frank, stern discussion with thebarely legal young ladies in charge. I was assured that tomorrow, when the campers are outdoors taking horseback rides, they will be swaddled in sunscreen, will be able to wait in the shade for their turn, and one coach will not be riding, but will be specifically on sunscreen patrol.
Dammit to hell, I'm still pissed after all.
That's not moisture on her shoulder blade, it's BLISTERS. Second degree sunburn blisters. Are you freaking kidding me, you just fried my kid for the first time in her life, blisters.
They went swimming for several hours in the midday Texas sun, and I was assured that sunscreen was applied every hour. Both my girls told me that it was only applied once when they first arrived. I believe the girls, but they also lie/have terrible memories for some stuff. However, the evidence tends to support THEIR story. One of the coaches had the gall to tell me when I called to complain that, yeah, even one of the coaches got burned. Hello? Can't even take care of your own skin, and are responsible for a group of scatterbrained elementary school girls? Not confidence inspiring.
I'm ashamed to say that when I talked with the staff this morning, I didn't do the mama roar all over their asses, because I HATE confrontation with a passion. However, I did have a very pointed, frank, stern discussion with the
Dammit to hell, I'm still pissed after all.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Wordless Wednesday: Park Pics
Cousin A., who is almost always this sunny.
Loodle.
Boodle
Cousin W., who makes this face when I point the camera at him.
Or this one:
Loodle.
Boodle
Cousin W., who makes this face when I point the camera at him.
Or this one:
That's... A New One
Me (browsing FoxNews): Dig this - Woman Sues Victoria's Secret Over Thong Injury
The Man: I'm gonna need to see some photographic evidence...
The Man: I'm gonna need to see some photographic evidence...
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
My Housekeeping, Documented By Loodle
I allowed my five year old to use my camera the other day, and she happily snapped fifty pictures around our house. I downloaded them and culled the dark shots, and as I prepared to craft a post featuring her photography, a common theme emerged.
That theme? What a terrible, terrible housekeeper I am. Photo after photo showcases just how crappy a job I do keeping floors, mirrors, even fans clean. Please take a moment and behold what she sees on a daily basis:
Clutter.
Clutter, including a moving box full of stuff from our move in April 2007.
What I thought was the play room, which seemed cleaner than usual, but is actually the guest room that was to be occupied by my sister-in-law the next day.
The Man's shoes, which never get put into the designated shoe cubbies in the front hallway. Harrumph. Surrounded by carpet detritus and an almond.
More carpet detritus, but at least it's blurry this time.
The girls' bathroom. Spots on mirror, empty cup dispenser, writing pen in the toothbrush holder, hair scrunchy drawer IN the sink. It's all bad.
Hard to see, but TV covered in fingerprints. And surrounded by XBOX/Wii controllers and games. How do you clean LCD TV screens anyway?
Here is the crowningshame glory: disgusting, gross, lint infested fan, that I put in their room. All week, with my nephew's asthma and everything. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
That theme? What a terrible, terrible housekeeper I am. Photo after photo showcases just how crappy a job I do keeping floors, mirrors, even fans clean. Please take a moment and behold what she sees on a daily basis:
Clutter.
Clutter, including a moving box full of stuff from our move in April 2007.
What I thought was the play room, which seemed cleaner than usual, but is actually the guest room that was to be occupied by my sister-in-law the next day.
The Man's shoes, which never get put into the designated shoe cubbies in the front hallway. Harrumph. Surrounded by carpet detritus and an almond.
More carpet detritus, but at least it's blurry this time.
The girls' bathroom. Spots on mirror, empty cup dispenser, writing pen in the toothbrush holder, hair scrunchy drawer IN the sink. It's all bad.
Hard to see, but TV covered in fingerprints. And surrounded by XBOX/Wii controllers and games. How do you clean LCD TV screens anyway?
Here is the crowning
Dear Sirs
Dear Dude at the Mall With Your Pants Hanging Low:
Please pull up your freaking pants. No one wants to see that. And we're living in Central Texas, not South Central, for crying out loud. If you must wear your pants that low, please do as your homies do and wear baggy boxers. Your cotton briefs tucked into your crack were not what I needed to see after lunch, and the extremes I had to go to in order to shield my girls' eyes took a lot out of me on a Sunday afternoon.
Thanks,
All Things BD
Dear Cheer Coach at Cheerleading Camp,
Thanks for the kind words you said about Loodle's performance and craft that she did today. However, that presence that you apparently did not sense next to your elbow? That was my older daughter. She would have loved for you to simply say one kind word to her, and you missed it. Please help me in what will probably be a gargantuan effort to keep her from feeling inferior to her younger sister. It's already becoming a problem when strangers stop me and tell me how beautiful Loodle is, and simply smile at her older sister and move on. She would never dream of sharing how much this hurts her, but I can see it in her eyes and the drooping of her shoulders, and I KNOW. Please take better care of her spirit this week. I'm counting on you.
Sincerely,
All Things BD
Dear Door to Door Salesman,
When I say I'm not interested in your study guides/educational books/overpriced wares, please go away. AND, please do not return. Remember when I said I had four kids in the middle of a craft, and you kept talking, and I said I wasn't interested, and you asked if coming back at another time would work, and I said no, I'm not interested, and then you came back AGAIN and I closed the door in your face? Yeah, that WAS annoying, wasn't it? It sure didn't help your sales figures when I emailed our neighborhood playgroup and told them what an asshat you were and to not buy anything from you. Please learn from your mistakes, and don't come back.
Buh-bye,
All Things BD
Dear All Businesses That Advertise On Company Vehicles:
If your driver is being an idiot, cutting me off and then weaving in and out of traffic only to end up behind me again, I WILL tell everyone I know not to use your company, and I won't even feel badly about being THAT spiteful old lady.
Sincerely,
All Things BD
Please pull up your freaking pants. No one wants to see that. And we're living in Central Texas, not South Central, for crying out loud. If you must wear your pants that low, please do as your homies do and wear baggy boxers. Your cotton briefs tucked into your crack were not what I needed to see after lunch, and the extremes I had to go to in order to shield my girls' eyes took a lot out of me on a Sunday afternoon.
Thanks,
All Things BD
Dear Cheer Coach at Cheerleading Camp,
Thanks for the kind words you said about Loodle's performance and craft that she did today. However, that presence that you apparently did not sense next to your elbow? That was my older daughter. She would have loved for you to simply say one kind word to her, and you missed it. Please help me in what will probably be a gargantuan effort to keep her from feeling inferior to her younger sister. It's already becoming a problem when strangers stop me and tell me how beautiful Loodle is, and simply smile at her older sister and move on. She would never dream of sharing how much this hurts her, but I can see it in her eyes and the drooping of her shoulders, and I KNOW. Please take better care of her spirit this week. I'm counting on you.
Sincerely,
All Things BD
Dear Door to Door Salesman,
When I say I'm not interested in your study guides/educational books/overpriced wares, please go away. AND, please do not return. Remember when I said I had four kids in the middle of a craft, and you kept talking, and I said I wasn't interested, and you asked if coming back at another time would work, and I said no, I'm not interested, and then you came back AGAIN and I closed the door in your face? Yeah, that WAS annoying, wasn't it? It sure didn't help your sales figures when I emailed our neighborhood playgroup and told them what an asshat you were and to not buy anything from you. Please learn from your mistakes, and don't come back.
Buh-bye,
All Things BD
Dear All Businesses That Advertise On Company Vehicles:
If your driver is being an idiot, cutting me off and then weaving in and out of traffic only to end up behind me again, I WILL tell everyone I know not to use your company, and I won't even feel badly about being THAT spiteful old lady.
Sincerely,
All Things BD
Monday, June 16, 2008
Ouch, That's Damage
So you decide to take your kids, sister in law, niece and nephew to the underground caves in your city. Which one of these people do you expect to slip and fall in a narrow passageway and scrape up both legs, get covered in mud, manage to re-injure their thumb and get mud on their $800 camera?
Yeah, that's me.
But fun was still had by all.
Something they could actually touch. They do this at the beginning to help the kids and idiots get it out of their systems.
We did the extra explorer's tour where we get to climb around in some crevices. And fall down like a donkey.
Aunt T showing her kids how to pan for gems.
The rugrats.
Yeah, that's me.
But fun was still had by all.
Something they could actually touch. They do this at the beginning to help the kids and idiots get it out of their systems.
We did the extra explorer's tour where we get to climb around in some crevices. And fall down like a donkey.
Aunt T showing her kids how to pan for gems.
The rugrats.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Happy Father's Day
Happy father's day to The Man, whose mad dad skillz were sorely tested this morning. After a rough start, we left the house and him to his own devices all afternoon. Apparently his devices consist of Guitar Hero, sleep and Rudy's Barbeque. Simple man, simple to please. Love ya babe. Please shave.
The Man and Boodle ca. 2000
The Man and Loodle ca. 2007
The Man and Boodle ca. 2000
The Man and Loodle ca. 2007
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Monster Parents Unite
This story defies believability, and should be set in Beverly Hills, not suburban Japan.
However, I totally see this situation coming to a school near you in the future. From overindulgent parenting to a society that cannot let children struggle or, God forbid, FAIL, we are turning our children into entitled, selfish brats.
Or something less harsh and judgmental.
However, I totally see this situation coming to a school near you in the future. From overindulgent parenting to a society that cannot let children struggle or, God forbid, FAIL, we are turning our children into entitled, selfish brats.
Or something less harsh and judgmental.
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Hold That Thought
For all you reader out there wondering if I've expired from the Texas heat, rest assured. Between the end of the school year and preparations for my sister-in-law's visit with her two kids, I shall be absent from Bloggyland for a while.
These four are going to keep us very busy in the next week.
Upon my glorious return, here's what you can expect to read about:
- Boodle's triumphant last week of school
- Our trip to the Waco Zoo and Mayburn Museum Complex
- Many many posts on our adventures with the cousins in the next week
- An investigation into a church we saw on the way to Waco entitled "30 Minute Worship"
- A completejustification explanation into why I am paying cash money for my girls to attend Cheeleading Camp for a week
- My preparations for a three day driving trip with the girls back to California
Wow, that's a lot to look forward to. How will you stand the wait? How will I ever find the time to write all that? (Six words: one week, all day cheer camp. Oh look, I already explained it!)
These four are going to keep us very busy in the next week.
Upon my glorious return, here's what you can expect to read about:
- Boodle's triumphant last week of school
- Our trip to the Waco Zoo and Mayburn Museum Complex
- Many many posts on our adventures with the cousins in the next week
- An investigation into a church we saw on the way to Waco entitled "30 Minute Worship"
- A complete
- My preparations for a three day driving trip with the girls back to California
Wow, that's a lot to look forward to. How will you stand the wait? How will I ever find the time to write all that? (Six words: one week, all day cheer camp. Oh look, I already explained it!)
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Fashion Tuesday/Wordless Wednesday: Will Work for New Pajamas
** Please ignore the detritus under the couch. And the couch, for that matter. Apparently, microfiber does not photograph well. Or, it could be JUST THAT DIRTY. Don't you judge me. What am I, Martha Stewart?!?
Monday, June 2, 2008
Stop it stop it stop it!
Stop being stupid. Just stop it. Please for. crying. out. loud. I can't take any more of these stories about kids doing something bizarre with a toy and then the parents sue everybody and their Aunt Ruth, like it's their fault.
This kid is EIGHT YEARS OLD. Do you really think magnetic toys are dangerous for eight year olds and should be banned? How about marbles? Dominoes? Jacks? Coins? Tiddlywinks? Dice?
I understand that toys with small parts are not for small children because toddlers are clueless and put EVERYTHING in their mouths. And I understand that magnets and metal balls are very dangerous when swallowed because they attract and can perforate the intestines blah blah blah.
I have an almost eight year old daughter, and no way is she going to swallow 20 (TWENTY!) steel marbles and 10 (TEN!) magnets. And if she did? Um, duh. Her bad for doing it. My bad for not teaching her properly and stridently the dangers of putting stupid stuff in her mouth.
Sorry for the angry rant. I'm sick of frivolous, outrageous lawsuits filed by people who cannot take responsibility for their own actions.
There, I'm done now. Oooh, look! A kitty!
This is my mom's cat Cadillac Man. He is almost 17 years old and is also stupid, but so far has not sued anyone for it.
This kid is EIGHT YEARS OLD. Do you really think magnetic toys are dangerous for eight year olds and should be banned? How about marbles? Dominoes? Jacks? Coins? Tiddlywinks? Dice?
I understand that toys with small parts are not for small children because toddlers are clueless and put EVERYTHING in their mouths. And I understand that magnets and metal balls are very dangerous when swallowed because they attract and can perforate the intestines blah blah blah.
I have an almost eight year old daughter, and no way is she going to swallow 20 (TWENTY!) steel marbles and 10 (TEN!) magnets. And if she did? Um, duh. Her bad for doing it. My bad for not teaching her properly and stridently the dangers of putting stupid stuff in her mouth.
Sorry for the angry rant. I'm sick of frivolous, outrageous lawsuits filed by people who cannot take responsibility for their own actions.
There, I'm done now. Oooh, look! A kitty!
This is my mom's cat Cadillac Man. He is almost 17 years old and is also stupid, but so far has not sued anyone for it.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Random Dude Movie Reviews
I went by myself to the movies tonight to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. No, it's not sad to go see a movie by yourself. Shut up.
By the way, before you go see this movie... don't see it. It wasn't good. I went in with low expectations after reading mixed reviews, and that usually serves me well. I can gloss over flaws and just enjoy an action flick and a bucket of popcorn. Maybe it's because I didn't actually buy any popcorn this time. The butter smooths over the rough edges, and without it, I just didn't get into the film at all. And what is with that title? I heard one comedian comment that Stephen Spielberg must have let each of his kids pick a word for the title.
Sorry if you enjoyed it. Don't mind bitter, no popcorn lady.
So the purpose of this post was to bring you the following reviews from the random guy sitting behind me who had to comment loudly after each preview before the movie began:
Eagle Eye - "That looks good."
The Dark Knight (Batman) - "That looks good."
Hellboy II: The Golden Army - "Interesting."
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - "Brad Pitt."
The Spirit (Frank Miller graphic novel come to life) - "Lame. Looks like a dork movie."
Australia - "Australia."
Kung Fu Panda - nothing but uproarious laughter.
Okay. Now I see where we're coming from. Anything action-packed: thumbs up. Interesting character study of a man aging backwards: cue crickets chirping. Cartoon panda's ass landing on a guy's face: HIGH-larious.
By the way, before you go see this movie... don't see it. It wasn't good. I went in with low expectations after reading mixed reviews, and that usually serves me well. I can gloss over flaws and just enjoy an action flick and a bucket of popcorn. Maybe it's because I didn't actually buy any popcorn this time. The butter smooths over the rough edges, and without it, I just didn't get into the film at all. And what is with that title? I heard one comedian comment that Stephen Spielberg must have let each of his kids pick a word for the title.
Sorry if you enjoyed it. Don't mind bitter, no popcorn lady.
So the purpose of this post was to bring you the following reviews from the random guy sitting behind me who had to comment loudly after each preview before the movie began:
Eagle Eye - "That looks good."
The Dark Knight (Batman) - "That looks good."
Hellboy II: The Golden Army - "Interesting."
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - "Brad Pitt."
The Spirit (Frank Miller graphic novel come to life) - "Lame. Looks like a dork movie."
Australia - "Australia."
Kung Fu Panda - nothing but uproarious laughter.
Okay. Now I see where we're coming from. Anything action-packed: thumbs up. Interesting character study of a man aging backwards: cue crickets chirping. Cartoon panda's ass landing on a guy's face: HIGH-larious.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
