You know Victoria? Yeah, I figured out her secret, and if you're a man, avert your eyes and go look at sports scores, because I'm going to talk about bras now.
Okay, see here's the thing. Victoria's secret is that if you are one of the 94% of women who do not have an ideal breast/body shape, you can just F*@# off and die. (Sorry mother-in-law who reads my blog faithfully. As my grandmother said once, sometimes the "F" word is the only one that fits.)
I spent an extremely frustrating half hour in Victoria's Secret today, attempting to find a bra that would wrangle the ladies appropriately. As you know, I'm not a small woman, and I bore two gargantuan children who wanted me to actually feed them from MY BODY. I was successful with the second kid at this task, and was left with a chest that has drifted decidedly south, east and west. Gravity is my bosom buddy. Ahahahahahahaha. Whew, that was really stupid. I'm sorry. Moving on.
I discovered after trying on 12 (TWELVE) bras in varying fits and sizes, that Victoria, in her infinite wisdom, cannot help the likes of me and my penchant for back fat and creating 4 boobs out of 2, if you know what I mean (and if you're a woman who's ever struggled with an ill fitting bra, YOU DO). I even went up to the DD size to see if that helped, but no, I can't claim porn star proportions yet. Plus, the SALE bra I tried on in vain was $30. I must be destined for those full FULL coverage, matronly bras that don't jive well with summer tank tops and camisoles.
I left dejected, but soon my day would turn around. I had one more stop to make. A place that understands me, and caters to women JUST LIKE ME. That place is Walmart.
I kid you not. I found 3 bras that fit me very comfortably and did not require more than a yard of material to construct. That Wally sure knows how regular women can be shaped. The best part? $14 each. Plus, where else can you pick up the ice cream cones and hamster bedding that were also on your list?
(I'm sorry for all the poor, underpaid, poorly compensated employees and overseas workers that I just took advantage of today. But you have to understand. Boobs. Boobs were at stake. Forgive me.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
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8 of you HAD to say...:
Remember that time we spent in the Women's Department in Texas? Remember my bra not quite fitting correctly - better after the adjusting but still not quite right? That was a Victoria Secrets bra. I'm deluding myself :).
Oh, how I hate you, Victoria. Being one of those women blessed (cursed?) with DD boobs (really, porn star...I never knew) I cannot shop there because they don't carry my size. JCPenney is the place to be for me and the ladies. And they usually have great sales on their lingerie (ie, Over The Shoulder Boulder Holders).
I am a Double D girl myself.
Bras.
Do I dare even go try on the halter tank tops I saw in a flyer today with a built-in bra? I'll let you know if I find success...
Love a non-Victoria gal who rolls them up and stuffs them in.
Sonja - if it's a shelf bra, in my experience, unless that tank top is supported by the CONTINENTAL SHELF, it's just not gonna be pretty.
Victoria and I parted ways a long time ago. She is certainly not a friend for grown-up women.
LOL! I totally agree with the shelf thinking.
The halter tank tops were too short in the body for me, but I ended up LOVING the dresses with what they call Curvetech inside them...a "bust enhancer" which is an adjustable t-shirt (lightly padded) type bra right inside. I bought two sundresses--I might bring one back but they were on sale...
I actually got the one shown on the home page (pink/beige floral) and a red and white one that ties under the bust which will be perfect for Canada Day. I'm pretty excited...usually if I wear a sundress I have to wear a strapless bra which doesn't keep the girls up enough.
http://www2.marks.com/category.asp?categoryID=137
Pretty sure you don't have Mark's where you are though.
loved this
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