I'm tired. Tired on many levels. I'm tired because I'm on California time at night, where my body doesn't get tired until 2am Texas time. I'm tired further because I had to wake up at 8am Texas time and spend FIVE AND A HALF HOURS at the stupid indoor play extravaganza place because I foolishly RSVPd us for TWO birthday parties there. BACK TO BACK. They did not possess enough caffeine to make their establishment bearable. I'm supposed to be at church tomorrow at 9:30am, because I REALLY need to go, to be filled, to reconnect with my friends. And all I can think is how if I wear my earplugs, the kids can watch TV until noon while I sleep.
I'm tired of parenting. I'm sorry, but there, I said it. I've been largely responsible for our kids for over a month. Don't get me wrong, this was my choice absolutely. I LOVE taking these trips back to California with the girls each summer. We have an AMAZING time. But the past three weeks have been... well, you know. What with the medical crisis, caring for 4 kids, stomach flu, dog bite, ding in my van, and the credit card fraud, I'm worn down. I'm tired of being the only one worrying about and planning everything for them.
I thought for sure that once I got back, I'd heave this huge sigh of relief and get on with the living. But I haven't yet. I was a giant Debbie Downer at the parties today, I was short with the girls, and tonight, I'm just... I don't know. I know i'ts compounded by the fact that The Man is out of town this weekend on a trip he had planned since last year. Usually I'd come home and abdicate parenting responsibilities for a few days. No such luck this time.
Boodle is also on California time, and she's had a TERRIBLE time falling asleep the last two nights. Both nights, crying that she'll never sleep, telling me she's SORRY that she can't sleep, like I'm angry with her for it. She finally drifts off after midnight. I snuck in to check on her tonight and found her sound asleep, sucking her thumb. We've been working so hard to break this habit, but all I could do was shrug and think "well at least she's sleeping".
I'm worried about school starting in 8 days and the girls and I having to get up early all week to get back on schedule. I'm worried about getting my house put back together now that I've dumped all my stuff in the front rooms, and having returned to the mess I left when we departed. I'm worried that Boodle is complaining that she can't see very well far away. I'm worried about what it means that Loodle had to stop EVERY 45 MINUTES to pee on our trip back. Seriously, every 45 minutes on a three day drive. I'm worried about my mother in law, who's holding her own, but still in the hospital. I'm worried about hitting "Publish Post" because good LORD is she STILL going on about her woe is me???
I'm worried worried worried. And missing my husband. And missing my friends and family in California of course. And most probably PMS-ing. And in serious need of some queso and a massage and a nap.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
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4 of you HAD to say...:
So I've had this comment field up for 5 minutes and still can't quite think of a response appropriate enough for your post. So I'll just put it out there. #1, I'm glad you pressed publish, I've become addicted to your blog - and not even because I know you - but because you share great, well written material. #2, I am thankful that one of the benefits that we get in the 24/7 job of parenting is that we can connect with other parents. I, too, have felt tired of being a parent recently. I think it's better to admit that we're tired than to deny that we're tired. Admitting it will hopefully bring in some infrastructure to help a family get back on track. Denying it will set everyone up for failure. #3, I'm personally in awe at how much you accomplish on a daily basis, and in the next few weeks, I'm wishing you some extra space in your head to help you realize just how much you are pulling off.
You're amazing. You deserve some rest, and peace. Just give it all up to Him. I pray that you get some sleep, and are able to enjoy it all.
Oh, BD. First, I'm sending you a gigantic hug from me. Second, please, please don't worry about being all "woe is me". You're allowed to. AND, that's what this whole thing is for. It's an outlet. This is the place where you bitch and moan and complain so you are able to survive in the real world. So have at it!
I know what it's like to suffer a severe case of the Woe Is Mes. I don't know what it's like to do it as a parent, but I'm sure it's a million times harder, so again, you're so in my thoughts!
You can do this! You can get through this.
Yeah, life sure sucked at this time. You are the person I turn to when I have my Woe Is Me moments, and you and I were drowning in LIFE STUFF. Evidently, I was too busy treading water to pick up the phone to really talk to you. But, what would we have said? Life sucked. It sucked BIG time, and sharing it with you would have eased the burden. I don't really remember this time very well. My only excuse for turning away from you during this time was that I was grappling with God. I love Him, but I was pissed and tired. I know you relate.
I love you! Here's a huge hug on top of Meg's.
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