Bits and Pieces

Just A Note to the Lady In Front of Me at the Store Who Took EIGHTEEN Minutes to Check Out:

OMG FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND LET THE CHECKER SCAN YOUR FREAKING FOOD WITHOUT HAVING TO HEAR ABOUT HOW THE VITAMINS IN THE SMALLER BOTTLE ARE HIGHER "POTENCY" AND HOW THE MINCED GARLIC IS BLAH BLAH BLAH AND THOSE ROLLS SHOWED ON THE SHELF AS $.50 EACH BUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS AND DID YOU GET THE TWO COUPONS FOR ROLAIDS CAN YOU PLEASE GO THROUGH ALL THE COUPONS AGAIN ONE BY ONE AND CHECK AND LOOK HE'S DONE SCANNING NOW AND HAS GIVEN YOU A TOTAL AND NOW YOU DIG THROUGH YOUR PURSE AND BRING OUT YOUR CHECKBOOK AND PROCEED TO FILL IT OUT SLOWER THAN THE POLAR ICECAPS ARE MELTING SO HELP ME GOD IF I SEE YOU IN THE PARKING LOT I WILL RUN YOU OVER AND NOT EVEN FEEL BAD ABOUT IT NO MATTER WHAT I'M READING IN MY BIBLE STUDY CLASS RIGHT NOW

/capslock

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The lady across the street was sweeping her garage walls today. The WALLS. Then she appeared to be scrubbing the garage floor. I don't NEED this kind of pressure, lady.

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The girls listen to classical music while falling asleep. Tonight, Loodle was out here complaining about her sister not letting her fall asleep. I gave her half-assed instructions and sent her back to her room. The Man, looking to actually PARENT in this situation, followed quietly after her down the hall and overheard:

Loodle: Did you skip ahead to this song?
Boodle: Yes.
Loodle: (pause) Why do you hate me?

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Loodle, the almost 7 year old, is currently reading the bible. For fun. I'm barely keeping up with her in my bible study class entitled "The Big Picture", wherein we read through the bible over the course of a couple dozen weeks.

So we're in the van a couple days ago, and Loodle says, "Oh, right, I was at the part where Moses goes back to Egypt." Thank goodness I know what's happening, since I've just gone through Exodus. I idly inquire what she's reading about in the book. "Boils. It was the 6th plague." Um, oooookay, gonna have to take your word on that one. I wait for a bit, and then ask again what she's reading. "I'm reading about the Angel of Death." Awesome. Carry on.

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In a related note, a few weeks ago I volunteered in Kids' Praise during the second half of church, and Loodle was there watching a Veggie Tales movie about the whole Moses/Pharaoh/plague situation. If you're not familiar, Pharaoh has his heart hardened even after all these plagues are brought upon his people, but the last straw is when God orders all the firstborn sons of Egypt be killed, even the Pharaoh's.

Obviously, in a Veggie Tales movie, this is a delicate subject, so they portrayed this part by showing all the babies in baskets floating gently down the river into the sunset.

Loodle turns to me and says matter-of-fact: "Does that mean they killed them?"

Um, yeah, it does, and now I'm rethinking the whole church thing altogether, because you are just too smart for sugar-coating. Alternately, is it blasphemous to rip out the entire Old Testament from her bible?

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Our carpool buddy, a 6 year old girl, was riding in our van today after school on our way to an afternoon outing. She spoke up with the following: "I could use a drink right now." (me, giggling internally because I'm juvenile and also think maybe I'll need a drink after an afternoon with three giggly girls) Then she mutters: "Yeah, I could use a cold one." STOP IT, you're killing me.

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Later, another friend, a 5 year old boy this time, met us at the local library, and we were walking down to see a movie, when the carpool girl accidentally brushed him with her bookbag.

5yob: Hey, watch it! You're gonna hurt my wiener!
6yog: (oblivious)
5yob: (I'm guessing he realizes you're not supposed to say wiener) Oh, I mean you almost hit my tenders.
6yog: Are you talking about chicken nuggets?
5yob: Grinning, no I mean my tenders. You know.
6yog: Yeah, tenders are chicken nuggets.
5yob: No, I mean...
(This is where I finally have to intervene before I DIE of a heart attack from withheld chortling and guffawing)
Me: No, he's talking about his boy parts.
6yog: Oh. Sorry.