Summer in February

So it's been in the 80's here for the last 3 days, and we've been spending the afternoons at the park. Dude, it's only February. There were kids at THE POOL yesterday. Loodle got too much sun on Wednesday at the park and had to miss dinner with her dad. I had to SHAVE MY LEGS.

On the positive side, I'm getting my lazy butt out of the chair and out of the house and getting fresh air and "exercise", where exercise equals working out my arms by pushing kids on tire swings and wielding a camera. I'm positive I worked off the dessert I had the night before with that activity alone.

Here are my monkeys yesterday, in our low rent version of those cardboard face cutout thingys in which you may get your picture taken. I'm sure there's a "You might be a redneck if..." joke in here somewhere.





I don't remember what Loodle was about to say in this last one, but she probably wasn't forming a certain F word. Probably.

It's ON Like Genghis Khan

I was inspired recently by a post from Muffin Top, as well as my own muffin top, to begin a fitness campaign entitled Fit and Forty. My friend Laura and I talked about this a while back, but her idea was that she didn't want to be FAT and forty. Well hell, neither do I, but I need something to work TOWARD not fight AGAINST.

Another motivating factor was the number on my bathroom scale this past Monday. I can't bring myself to type the number here, but think of something that's bad for a 5'10" 37-year-old, and then add 10 pounds. Thank the Lord in heaven above that I've got some height in which to disguise all those excess pounds, but the disguise is becoming tattered and worn, and I'm DONE WITH IT.

I'm done with eating like a moron. I'm done sitting on this computer all day. I'm done being a boring mom who doesn't go to the park with the kids. I'm done avoiding the gym like the plague. I'm DONE.

So, I took a big deep breath and told The Man the number on the scale and how I'm DONE with it already, and we came up with a challenge similar to Muffin Top's. We both want to lose 30 pounds, so we're making it into a competition of sorts. We are going to take before pictures of ourselves in our bathing suits (I just bought one that is deliberately too small because dammit I'm gonna fit into it by summer). We are going to set reasonable goals, and if one of us does not meet that goal, then the other gets to post that person's picture on their blog/Facebook.

Dude, you do NOT want to see me in a too small bathing suit right now, or, well, ever, frankly. And did I mention it's winter? You know what comes with winter? Pasty white skin. That's not sexy. Man alive, I do NOT want to lose this challenge.

So there it is. Project Fit and Forty (which I don't actually turn for another 2 1/2 years, but who's counting?).

First goal: Lose 10 pounds by May 1st.

Sounds TOO easy to some of you, but I'm not a maniac who will have four almonds and an ounce of acai juice for breakfast and then go for a 5 mile run. I've gotta eat or I'm just not livin'. And I don't run. I'm simply going to be smarter about what I choose and how MUCH I shovel down my gullet.

Heh heh. She said "simply".

I also plan to actually make use of my gym membership again at least 3 days a week, as well as doing something active the other days I'm not there. *Gulp*

So, if my posting becomes even more sporadic, look for me at the gym. Or at the park. Or staring wistfully at the Golden Arches.

I Don't Think It's Funny

I use a website called Kids In Mind before I take my girls to a movie in the theater. It's a great site that breaks down the movie by instances of Sex, Violence, and Language, as well as Drug Use, and gives it a number ranking, 0-10. They detail each instance so you know if we're talking gunshots or wedgies in the violence category, or naughty words or fart jokes in the language category. It's extremely helpful and has weeded out many a movie from our weekend plans.

But here's the funny part, according to The Man some. I also use this website for MY movies. I have a rather hard time when it comes to certain movies that I want to see when I know that they contain disturbing scenes. I just can't seem to get them out of my head, particularly when I'm unprepared for them.

So, before I go to the theater, I look up the movie on Kids In Mind and see what I'm in for. I know, this might ruin dramatic plot turns or surprise endings, but somehow if I know ahead of time that they are going to be graphically removing staples from Mickey Rourke's back, I can handle it when it actually happens. Especially when it's something like a finger getting cut in a meat slicer, I know I need to squeeze my eyes shut and annoy other theater patrons with my La la la I can't hear you's.

The Man finds this amusing. I think it just makes good sense. Your thoughts? Would you ever use this website in this manner? Please tell me I'm not a freak. Even if you totally think I am.

Clueless in Texas Writes...

Here's the real, true, telling conversation I had with The Man which illuminates his complete lack of interest in pop culture:

Scene: Watching The Dark Knight with The Man, and during a particularly loud scene where Harvey Dent is in the back of the SWAT truck being chased by The Joker.


The Man: Who is driving that truck?

Me, misunderstanding: What?

The Man: Who is driving that truck?

Me: It would have been funny if you'd said "Who is playing the Joker?" this far into the movie.

The Man: I actually don't know who is playing the Joker.

Me, in disbelief: It's Heath Ledger.

The Man: I don't know who that is.

Me: ...

Me: Well, don't worry about it. He's dead.

The Man: He is?

Me: ...

The Man: How?

Me: He accidentally overdosed on prescription pills.

The Man: Because he went crazy?

Me: That's what they say.

Me, hopping over to the laptop, frantically typing this blog entry.

The Man: I really don't know who Heath Ledger is.

Me, laughing: That's what I'm typing up right now.

Worth a Look

Came across this again recently. The Man showed it to me a couple years ago, and it's still fascinating. Don't let the running time intimidate you. Watch it.

My Sister in Law was brave enough to use her real name for this tag she got from Facebook. I am not so brave, so I've used BD or made adjustments where necessary to protect my super top secret identity. Consider yourself tagged.


YOUR REAL NAME
BD

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (mother and father's middle names)
Marie Madison

NASCAR NAME (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad, add "Jr" to the end)
Mac Roland Jr. (this is by far my favorite name, and one I would exchange for my real name in a heartbeat, if I wasn't named after a grandmother and using my married name and stuff)

STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name)
BDBD (this actually works way better than my real name, 'cause I'm like R2D2 or C3PO!)

SPY NAME (favorite color, favorite animal)
Kelly Green Cat

SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, town where you were born)
Audrey California (not willing to say the city, but it's clear I'm a Cali girl)

SUPERHERO NAME (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning)
The Purple Fresca

FLY NAME (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name)
Mand (using my Nascar name, because it's awesome)

STREET NAME (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie)
Peanut Butter Fudge Nutter Butter (I don't even know what to say about this)

SKANK NAME (1st pet's name, street you grew up on)
Sylvester Venus (right?)

GANGSTA NAME (first 3 letters of first name plus 'izzle')
BDizzle

GOTH NAME (Black, and the name of one of your pets)
Black Hamilton

STRIPPER NAME (first pet and name of car you drive)
Sylvester Odyssey

HIPPY NAME (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy)
Happy Reeses (hee hee!)

MAFIA NAME (Dad's first name, animal that scares you, add "da" in between the two)
Richard da Spider

NATIVE AMERICAN NAME (adjective that describes you, problem body part, add "Chief" to the beginning)
Chief Worry Ass (OMG)

SAINT NAME (Start with "Saint", Grandma's first name, fav alcohol)
St. Audrey Never Had a Drink In Her Life Except for When Her Dad Gave Her Some Beer When She Was Little And Before He Got Sober So I Guess I'll Say Beer

EASTERN EUROPEAN HOCKEY PLAYER NAME (Your first name, middle name adding "ski" to the end)
BDski

Wordless Wednesday: Day at the Park

I Still Think It Was a UFO

I KNEW we never should have moved to Texas. Isn't this how Starman began?



I should never have kept my kids' baby teeth. If some alien recreates them, and I have more than two to deal with, someone's going to get a beatdown.

Princess For a Day

Loodle got to dress as a fairy tale princess on Friday, because in lieu of a Valentine's Day party, all the kindergarten kids got to attend a Fairy Tale Ball.

A few weeks ago, she asked me to buy her a wedding dress. A frank discussion followed, covering the myriad reasons why this would not be happening. A week later, the notice for the Ball came home, and we found ourselves in need of a princess outfit. A week after THAT, I found myself in Costco staring at the dress that she ended up wearing today.




Fate? Thy name is big box discount. It's not clear to me exactly which princess she was portraying. I just know that this is what that princess would look like on her wedding day.

Bonus, if we convert to Catholicism, and she doesn't grow much, we've totally got first communion covered.

Lloyd Dobler Got It Right

Most. Romantic. Scene. Ever.



And it also happens to be OUR song. If The Man showed up outside my window, holding a boombox playing In Your Eyes, I would melt like buttah. I wouldn't wait around until I found out my dad really DID steal thousands of dollars from residents of his convalescent care center, shattering my illusions and rocking the foundation of my world, leading me to the inevitable conclusion that sensible and safe is not always the way to live my life.

There would be a BD shaped hole in the window.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby.

What Girl Scout Cookie Are You?

I'm a sucker for these quizzes, and I'm also a sucker for PB cookies. Score!

You Are Peanut Butter Sandwiches / Do-si-dos

You are easy going and naturally happy. You don't need a lot to make you smile. You genuinely care about people and are a great friend. You're always doing your best to make the world a better place. Even though there isn't an immature bone in your body, you still are like a big kid sometimes. Why make life complicated when the best parts are actually quite simple? You enjoy the small joys of life.

What Girl Scout Cookie Are You?

Obamicon, Do Dooo Do Doo Doo

The Mom Bomb lost time out of her life that she'll never get back by playing with the ObamiconMe website. I would like to personally thank her. Thanks. Thanks so much for the additional time suck that my waistline and overflowing laundry hamper can ill afford.

Wordless Wednesday: Hamsters Rule, Dogs Drool

Fashion Tuesday

So it's been awhile since I've posted a Fashion Tuesday. I've been trying so very hard as of late to just view Loodle's sense of style as just something that IS. Why call attention to something that's as much a part of her as her snoring? Oh, lord, does that girl snore. But the fashion is just something that I can no longer contend with. If she's got the balls to wear two different colored socks, usually of varying lengths I might add, to school every damn day and not get bullied into submission, who am I to judge and harass?

However, this weekend, we went to the mall together, just she and I, and here's the internal speech I gave to each and every person who gave a double take as we passed by:

"I KNOW. I promise you, I looked at her before we left the house. I took a good, hard look, and I SEE it. All of it. The double ponytails, adorned with an additional clip in the back holding them loosely together (why?) and accented by a giant red flower. The lip gloss. The last vestiges of lavender eyeshadow that I insisted she wipe off, but how much can a dry Kleenex really remove, ladies? Now, the earrings. This was her creation. Her ears are not pierced, as that involves needles and stuff, but she recently purchased $3 clip-ons and then came up with the idea to thread two of my bangle bracelets through them. Yes, I allowed her to parade before you in them, just as I allowed her to use her allowance to buy 5 toe rings, which she is now wearing on her fingers. All 5 rings. And the ponytail holders on each wrist that are adorned with 4 trailing ribbons each? I'm not sure either, but I'm assured she looks "rocker" while wearing them. The blue flowered shirt is normal, but paired with Hello Kitty knee-length pants in a gross shade of pea green? I don't know why she chose this either. But trust me, there's no reasoning. And yes, I see the cowgirl boots with holes in the toes, and yes I'm aware they are paired with the hideous capris, but who cares about complimentary footwear, anyway, when you've got on peep-toe boots? And the black shoe lace tied around her leg, just above the top of the boot? That? I cannot talk about."

Early Valentine's Day

The Man and I celebrated our Valentine's Day last night, as that is when we had the sitter. It was either last night or the 22nd, and frankly, I was hungry.

We went to a local steak place (mmm steak), and had a lovely dinner. The restaurant opened a few months ago near our house, but we've been leery of trying it for two reasons: 1) we never go to newly opened restaurants, preferring to let them work the kinks out ahead of our visit and 2) one week after they opened, an already dismissed employee came in, killed a manager, fled into the woods and shot himself. Kinda does a number on enjoying your steak dinner.

However, there were no ghosts or opening week snafus, so we had a great time. One thing that made me smile was watching a larger table across from us, where there seemed to be 3 generations of a family, the youngest generation being my age. It appeared the approximately 80 grandpa was entrusted with the bill. Now, this steak place is NICE. It's no Sizzler. The bill must have been gasp-inducing. As they all filed out, I noticed the granddaughter pause and surreptitiously peek at the signed bill. She frantically pawed through her purse, hurried out, and came back and handed some bills to the waitress.

This tip-padding makes me smile, though, because it is EXACTLY what my dad used to do. Whenever someone offered to pay, and he KNEW they would leave a substandard tip (think 50 cents on a dinner for two, including coffee), he'd hang back and add some more bills to it.

Now, there's the flip side of this that I'm reminded of, where my dad told of a friend who was forever leaving his glasses at the table after lunch and had to go back for them. Turns out he was going back and stealing the tip my dad left!

After dinner, we went to a local bar that has pool tables, shuffleboard, air hockey, and the like, and I proceeded to destroy The Man at pool. Officially, he beat me 8 to 7, but I'll let you in on a humiliating detail (for him): I was up SEVEN games to TWO, and we had to make the last game a 6-pointer to allow him to save face. Luckily for me, he has absolutely no problem getting beat by a girl, and I have absolutely no problem sharing this news with you fine people.

Happy early Valentine's Day!

Stupid California

California is stupid.

It has earthquakes. Smog. High taxes. Forced unpaid days off for state workers. Traffic. A stupid bear on their flag. Crazy tree-huggers who sit in trees for months at a time. Graffiti. The whole state's shape makes me think of an elbow.

See? Stupid.

Yet.

They have people. Almost all the people in this world that I love, California has them. And it just took back 3 more this morning.

Dammit. Guess which finger I'm holding up, Cali?

Spoiler Alert: I Missed The Money Shot

We took our houseguests to our neighborhood park yesterday, and The Man was schooling my girls in the art of jumping out of the swings. This was met by several frowns and grimaces by other moms, but I figure we have yet to determine where the local ER is, so we're probably due.

The Man was making jokes about pushing the girls so high they would wrap around, causing them to scream and squeal, most certainly in delight. At the height of their swing forward, they leaped off, coming perilously close to the rocks that border the swing area.

Here are the girls, as best I can represent them with a new lens and no apparent ability to judge focus and sunlight/shade compensation:





After a few jumps, The Man sits down on the swings, and a couple of the girls attempt to push him, all the while he's demanding in a whiny voice, "Push me. I wanna wrap around. Higher!"

He finally gets up a good amount of speed and he's going to jump. Everyone focuses their full attention on him, family and strangers alike. It's clear that, as he's getting higher and higher, he's going to have an issue getting his arms and shoulders out in front of the chains. Here's his first attempt, where I thought he was actually going to jump:

Well, he didn't jump that time. But, oh hey guess what? There's a reason you keep your arms back and out to the side on the swings, especially when you're going, like, REALLY high. On his final, fateful backswing, just as he got his arms out in front of the chains, it became clear just how important it is. His momentum put his body parallel with the ground, and having no hold on the chains, he tipped forward out of the swing from a great distance up, came down on his forearms and did a tremendous face plant straight into the pea gravel.

Y'all. And I never use the word "y'all". Y'all, it was about the funniest thing I've EVER SEEN. He was laughing hysterically, as was I, and the rest of the playground was contemplating dialing 911. He stands up, and Boodle immediately informs him his face is bleeding. I could tell it was nothing, and it just made me laugh harder. He went and washed himself off in the water fountain and came over to let me photograph his war wound:
Sadly, I missed the actual shot of him faceplanting, as I was too caught up in the moment to put my camera up to my face, and it happened so quickly after the initial shot I took of his jump prep. I figure it's one of those instances where it's better to be IN the moment, as that will live in my memory for all the rest of my days.

Incidentally, this is the look on your daughter's face when you do something monumentally foolish and embarassing:

I'm sure we'll be seeing this for all the rest of our days as well.

Good times.