All Things BD

RIP Maxie

2011-05-31T22:03:00.003-05:00

My younger daughter's hamster died today. He lived to almost 3 years old, which is ancient in hamster years. A sad sad day for the BD household. Many tears shed, many memories shared.

Farewell, our little three legged hamster. We'll miss you.

I Still Don't Have My Mojo

2011-05-27T15:35:00.003-05:00

But this will show you that the reason I've not been posting is I'm sitting around contemplating Plato and divine commands and looking to YouTube for edification.

Or, I could have been reading the completely inappropriate posts on the Tosh.0 Blog and simply came across this gem and could not stop laughing. Tough to say.

Getting Ready For The Invasion. With a Sountrack!

2011-04-12T21:13:00.002-05:00

My sister in law Tiffany, her rugrats, and my Mother In Law** are coming to town Friday. As you can imagine, I'm busy making the house look like humans live there instead of a pack of rabid badgers.

Whilst mucking out from under beds and couches, I've been playing music from my iTunes account. This particular song kept coming on and I'd forgotten all about it. Had to stop and look up the artist.

It seems foolish to say I'll keep you updated on our visit, since I've been randomly posting every 37 days or so. But I'll try! I really will.

I hope not sporadically! (Name that movie!)

**When I went back to edit, I noticed I'd capitalized Mother In Law, suggesting some level of ominous import. None was intended, but it amuses me, so it stays.

The Time I Ran Away

2011-04-08T18:47:00.007-05:00

No, not when I was a kid. This was in March.

The Man had made several inquiries into my mental state during the month of February. I seemed to be suffering from a Short Fuse, and maybe possibly Perpetual Grump Syndrome. I'm pretty sure he was exaggerating totally, but since I was continually apologizing for screaming at people, I thought maybe it was time to get away.

Since having kids, I've periodically taken a weekend for myself. Sometimes I'll travel and see family and friends, but mostly I just need time to MYSELF. Time where I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. My schedule, my whims, my nap times.

I have to say, my friend Monica was super bummed that she couldn't make it, and I tried to gently tell her that SHE WAS NOT INVITED. Love her to death, but I seriously needed the pleasure of my own company. I LIKE my own company. I never talk too much, and my breath always seems minty fresh.

I originally wanted to go to the beach, but considering it's a 5 hour drive from here, and I was only planning on being away for 2.5 days, no. Then, I decided I wanted someplace that was in the country, like a farm, ranch or B&B.

I found this, and spent a weekend in March in Cabin #1, equipped with its own hot tub. YES.

After getting some dinner in a nearby town, and watching Beastly, which was truly terrible, I spent the evening in the hot tub, which was awesome but also a little nerve wracking. I'm pretty sure all good horror stories start with an unsuspecting person in a hot tub in the dark in the middle of nowhere.

Dude, it was seriously dark. Plus, it was extremely windy and there was something periodically banging on the wall outside the cabin. I watched movies until I fell asleep, and woke up approximately every 11 minutes thinking that Jason or Freddy was outside.

BUT. The next morning I had a Continental breakfast on the patio. I watched squirrels and birds and clouds. I read a book. I drove on back roads to a small tourist town nearby and window shopped. I went to German cafe and had a hamburger and onion rings. What?

The second night was much more calm, and I ate junk food in bed for dinner, and had another marathon of movies. The best part about a cabin in the middle of nowhere is: no cable, no internet. For someone who checks email 5 times a day and reads blogs and news obsessively, this was a much needed unplugged weekend.

I took the long route home that just happened to pass by the outlet malls, and what is one to do? You can't NOT go shopping when you pass the outlet malls, right?

I like to think I came back a more calm, tolerant, serene person. I'm sure it lasted at least an hour. All the people that live here are still alive, so I think the weekend was a rousing success.

There's the hot tub on the right. I might have tried to pack it away in my suitcase to bring home with me

Here's my living room couch

Where I did a lot of this

Here's the rocker on the front porch

Where I did a lot of this

Ranch decor!

Fields to ~~get bitten by a snake in~~ stroll in.

I REALLY AM Trying To Catch Up

2011-04-03T23:11:00.005-05:00

I'm sad that I've let my blog go AGAIN. I've lost the mojo, and am determined to get it back. Try as I might to waste the day away on the internet, LIFE keeps rearing its busy little head. How rude.

We've had school, and classes, and painting bedrooms, and vacations, and Renaissance Fairs and sunny Spring afternoons and preparations for visitors. This business of LIVING hasn't left much time for documenting.

But I just have to share this:

Amazing what 10 minutes with a hair dryer can do to a previously image-oblivious 10 year old.

Lord help us all.

I Don't Even Know What To Say Anymore

2011-03-25T07:15:00.002-05:00

I came across this image on a major news network, and it's courtesy of Abercrombie and Fitch. It's a padded bikini top, called the Ashley Push Up Triangle. (I hate to have to link to them, but I'd rather not get arrested for stealing their image or something. Plus, it proves that I'm not making this shit up)

It's for GIRLS. The small fits a girl who might be 56-58 inches tall. That's less than 5 feet.

That's the size of my 8 year old.

She does not need a padded push up bikini top. For myriad reasons, the least of which is she has nothing to actually push up.

Are we as a society really to the point where we need to see 8 year olds in padded bikinis? Are moms really to the point that they let their daughters wear this?

And don't get me started with the matching bikini bottoms that "sit on the hips".

I'm really disturbed by what this says about... well, everything.

R.I.P. Cadillac Man

2011-03-18T23:45:00.000-05:00

My mom had to put her cat down today.

He was almost 20 years old.

He led a spoiled, wonderful life.

And will be desperately missed.

So WHAT I Haven't Blogged In A While?

2011-03-18T00:04:00.002-05:00

Do you REALLY want to hassle me about that? Do ya, punk?

I Don't Know Why I'm Mad, But I Am

2011-03-03T07:36:00.002-06:00

A couple weeks ago, I received a post card in the mail informing me that a local charity would be coming through our neighborhood picking up items for donation. They needed clothes, household items, electronics, etc. I've seen these before, but this time, I was determined to ~~finally get rid of all the extra boxes in my garage~~ donate and support a charity.

So, despite suffering from some random (read: happens once a month on a schedule that's around 28 days) intestinal distress, I dragged box after box out to the driveway yesterday. Some of the clothes were in plastic bins, but I figure, they're hauling away my stuff for free, so it's all good.

This morning, I backed out of the garage to take the kids to school, and all the items in plastic bins were gone. Also, the old vacuum cleaner.

Now, I know the company that was coming hasn't been by yet, so obviously someone saw my stack of stuff and helped themselves last night.

I got really mad this morning, but I'm not sure I have any right to be. To be honest, my goal was to get rid of my stuff. It was a bonus that it was going to a charity, but really, I just wanted it all gone without having to hold a garage sale.

So why do I care that someone else came and hauled it away? Doesn't effect me in the least.

Except it really pisses me off! That stuff wasn't for YOU. It was for paralyzed veterans! How tacky to come in the middle of the night to someone's driveway and take stuff that was clearly marked for a charity.

Sometimes people suck.

And sometimes, hormones are a bitch.

BD the Rockstar

2011-03-01T21:52:00.002-06:00

I spent most of the day being bathroom monitor at the girls' school today. The 4th graders were doing state testing, and they have strict rules on how things are conducted. Namely, thou shalt not discuss testing data whilst on the pot. So I got to sit outside the girls' restroom for 2 hours, sending them in Noah's Ark style.

Two by two. C'mon, keep up!

As a result of testing, the other grades had to be extra quiet today so they didn't distract the 4th graders. The 4th graders themselves were not allowed to talk at all the entire day. I didn't realize this extended to lunchtime, where I spent 15 agonizing minutes (in which they shared the cafeteria with the 4thers) with my 5th grader and 6 of her friends in complete silence. Seriously. 6 eleven-year-old girls who CANNOT TALK. Utter torture.

I decided to teach them the alphabet in sign language, and after about 5 minutes, I got a thumbs up and "thank you" mouthed to me by the other 5th grade teachers.

You'd think that would be enough for me to be feeling good about myself. But wait! There's more!

After 4th and 5th grade left the cafeteria, my 2nd grader came in rather excitedly. She couldn't wait to share some news. Last week, we filled out a permission slip to go on a field trip, and I entered my name into the chaperone drawing.

I know, there are so many things wrong with that sentence.

Who VOLUNTEERS to go on a field trip? And what type of school has to have a DRAWING to choose the sucker who gets to spend 4 hours with a bunch of 2nd graders?

Spoiler Alert:

I WON!

But wait! There's more!

I was informed by two students and the teacher that, despite the ban on noise of any kind today, when my name was pulled from the hat, the class SCREAMED.

I'm assured that this was a good thing.

They were SO excited that I had been chosen to go with them. How cool is that? How cool am I?

I must be doing something right.

It might also have something to do with those doughnuts.

I Think We All Need This Right Now

2011-02-28T18:54:00.001-06:00

Loodle Is Famous!

2011-02-24T17:18:00.002-06:00

OK, maybe not so much famous as her portrait is in a catalog online, and maybe I shouldn't be so excited about my child's photo on the internet where she looks 13, but WHATEVER.

My photographer friend had the opportunity to use some backdrops from Denny Manufacturing Company, which makes backdrops, props and related photography studio equipment. She submitted some photos of various clients, using the backdrops, and the company used some of her shots in their online catalog.

How cool is that? Pretty cool, except for the part where my daughter looks 5 years older and I sit crumpled in this chair crying because I ALSO just got a letter from the MIDDLE SCHOOL about prepping for my SIXTH GRADER next year. WAAAAAAHHHHHH!

ANYWAY.

Here are the links. **Note: if you see a photo of a 6 year old boy, that is not Loodle. Just click on the boy's photo, and there will be additional images using that background, and you can click around to find her.

Warm Earth canvas backdrop

Gale Canvas backdrop

White Blossom canvas backdrop

I KNOW. Where did my baby go?

Sweet Memories

2011-02-21T15:34:00.003-06:00

This song means so much to me every time I hear it. The story she tells of this day with her mom evokes memories for me of time spent with mine. Sharing the front seat of our van, squished together under one seatbelt, riding back from a day spent at the beach. The smell of sunscreen and the wind blowing in my hair. The Eagles playing on the radio.

I am blessed to have these memories of my mom, and maybe this song will help bring out cherished memories of yours.

-----

Please take a moment to head over to Dawn In Austin's blog and leave her some kind words.

And call your mother.

Rookie Mistake

2011-02-19T21:03:00.002-06:00

You know what's a bad idea when you have two daughters that are 2.5 years apart?

Letting them each invite a friend to sleep over on the same night.

TRUST ME.

We're Back!

2011-02-17T19:44:00.010-06:00

Okay, technically we've been back for over a week, but we're gonna gloss over my procrastination by getting caught up through the joy of photography! You're welcome.

When last we left our heroes, they were toe-deep in this:

Neighborhood friends came down to our neck of the woods because we're the corner lot, offering the best snow.

Snow in Texas calls for improvisation. Hence the Snow Boogie Boarding.

Our many legged friend enjoyed himself as well.

Snow is cold, it turns out.

So Loodle went from this

to this

after about 35 minutes, and she was done for the day.

(As you can see from those last two shots, the light was changing from overcast to sunny, so figuring out the camera settings was super fun.)
----

Three days later, we drove to San Antonio and stopped at the Zoo.

When we got to the hotel, it was around 72 degrees and sunny, so we hit the rooftop pool/hot tub. Because three days is all it takes in Texas to go from snow balls to suntans.

We hit the Children's Museum the next day, and I thought for sure it would be a dud, even with the girls insisting they wanted to go. Turns out, my girls are just like me in their love for recreating past fun trips. This museum is geared for smaller kids, but mine had the time of their lives, most of it spent in the HEB (local grocery chain) setup downstairs.

I couldn't just let them PLAY, so I issued a shopping challenge and they were off. They had to pick ten items and get closest to $30 without going over. After Loodle won with 74 cents to spare, she challenged me, and I of course CRUSHED IT. $29.93. Take THAT, chump.

Our final stop before heading home was the Natural Bridge Caverns. Before moving to Texas, I'd never been in a cave, and now we've toured 3 different ones, some of them multiple times. I'm fascinated. This one offers and illumination tour, which allows them to reveal the caverns a little at a time, making for a more dramatic viewing.

I'm kinda running out of steam, and my photos of the last two events were crap, so I'll let you use your imagination.
----

Let's see. Anything else we've been doing in my blog's absence? We had another freeze two days after our San Antonio trip, but nothing more than a light flurry of snow, so snore.

Oh! I learned how to use the gas grill. I started with something simple: hot dogs.

I think I somehow gave them The Pox, but whatever. They were delicious.

----

Lastly, I need to tell you about this:

It's half an avocado, stuffed with shredded chicken mixed with cheese, breaded, fried, topped with sauce and served along side queso. If you think I'd judge you for booking a trip out here just to try it, you'd be wrong.

Road Trip!

2011-02-06T19:01:00.006-06:00

I'm taking the girls to San Antonio tomorrow, so I'll be off the grid for a few days. Why we have a Winter Break at the beginning of February, I do not know, but far be it from me to complain about three days of no homework and getting to sleep in.

Have a great start to your week, and when I get back, we'll talk Snowmageddon 2011 in Central Texas. Here's a preview of the carnage:

I know. 1 INCH of snow. I'm not quite sure how the city survived it. We're STILL digging out. Temps are only going to be in the 60's tomorrow, so wish me luck on the harrowing drive.

It's Cold. It's COLD.

2011-02-02T18:50:00.002-06:00

It's 25 degrees right now in Central Texas. I'm sure you Northerners think it's nothing, but this California Native doesn't do cold. I've barely gotten used to temps above 90 degrees, and now I'm supposed to adapt to WINTER? Actual winter?

Our power went out at 6am this morning, and we discovered that there were rolling blackouts scheduled for the day due to high electricity demand, and also apparently because some electric company doesn't know how to keep their pipes from freezing. DUH.

We went from going to school, to going to school two hours later, to NO SCHOOL AT ALL. Hooray. Two children in a cold house with no electronic babysitter. Lovely.

Here's a math problem for you: The temperature in my house dropped 6 degrees in 5 hours. How many minutes after realizing that did I decide to take my children somewhere guaranteed to stay warm?

If your answer was -7 minutes, you would be correct.

Y'all, my house got down to a frigid 66 degrees. I'm pretty sure I could see my own breath as I dozed in my big green comfy chair all morning. Life is hard. You should send me something chocolatey.

We spent the afternoon at Dave & Buster's. Bonus: Wednesdays are half-price games, and most other schools were still in session today, so we had the place mostly to ourselves. Monica and her son, and one of Boodle's friends showed up, so we had a great, warmth-filled time racking up enough points to spend the equivalent of $10 on a pouch of Fun Dip.

Luckily, the school district is still markedly concerned about further outages, so we get to sleep in again tomorrow. Let's pray the power stays on tomorrow so the girls will be in school and I can ~~catch up on my TV watching~~ get some things done around here.

Tune in for further developments. Predicted for Thursday night: SNOW.

The One With the Mange

2011-01-28T20:26:00.003-06:00

Okay, so I promised to follow up with a story about The Man coming down with a case of Mange.

A month or so ago, he went and got a haircut at a local place. Nothing out of the ordinary. However, when we got back from Christmas in California, we both noticed he had a small bald patch in the back. Because it was fairly short back there, we thought maybe it was just a wild clipper swipe. Why it would have taken us longer than 4 seconds to notice that, I don't know. But that's what we decided.

Then last week, we noticed there was another spot, and since he wanted to cut his hair again, he decided to just shave it off. Take a look:

(It's hard to see, so I tried bumping up the contrast to make it more obvious. The "blue" parts, as Boodle termed them, are where his hair is growing normally. The pink patches are the bald spots.

Huh. We sure didn't see that coming. Dr. Google informs us that it could be stress related, or possibly auto-immune problems.

We're really banking on stress, but we thought we'd second guess the Internet and get an actual doctor's diagnosis.

Meanwhile, I'll be living with baldy!

So This Guy's Still Kickin'

2011-01-27T09:36:00.000-06:00

Our hamsters are still alive. This is noteworthy because Hamilton and Max are at least 2.5 years old. They're well into their senior years. I think maybe being hampered by a broken leg as somehow preserved their health.

This is Max,

and despite the broken leg and (sorry Mama DB) the apparent cataract, he's still feisty. If you look closely, you can see how one back leg (on the right side of the picture) is normal, while the other (on the left side of the picture) sticks out at a lumpy, funky angle.

Hasn't much slowed him down. He still manages to escape from his cage and go exploring periodically.

Hamilton hasn't been photographed lately, but not because of any interesting, noteworthy reasons. I'm just lazy. Plus, think of the exciting follow up post I can write. ANOTHER HAMSTER LIVES!

'Tis the Season

2011-01-25T13:12:00.003-06:00

for the flu. Or a bad cold. Or Pneumonia. Again. I'm attempting to not freak out yet. Giving her another day to look somewhat better than this

before I take her to the doctor.

She did inform me today that while she does have a fever, she does not have "Bieber Fever", so things are not quite as dire as they could be.

Stay tuned for further health updates. Up next: The Man has Mange.

Blogging a 5th Grade After School... Something

2011-01-21T15:28:00.011-06:00

Boodle orchestrated a get together with 5 friends from school for this afternoon. God help us all.

I took her shopping last night for snacks. On the menu: Cheetoh's (DUH), rice cakes, fish sticks, cherries, veggies and "special" ranch (ranch, dijon, dill, garlic powder), grapes, sunflower seeds, lemonade.

When I pressed her about what they will actually be doing, I was told they were playing "Warriors". That SOUNDS about right for 10-year-old girls, doesn't it? Upon further inquiry, it's revealed that they will be clans of cats from The Warriors book series.

Oh, that does make more sense. Carry on.

2:55pm: Pick up Boodle and 5 friends from carpool line. SPOILER: girls are loud.

3:04pm: House is invaded, Cheetoh's are attacked with a vengeance

3:07pm: Hamsters make their first appearance

3:10pm: I'm informed that they will be using the entire house, so I'm relegated to my bedroom. But I'm old and crotchety so I make it as far as the dining room table and don my invisibility cloak (i.e.-be 39 years old and therefore uninteresting)

3:17pm: OMG THE NOISE

3:24pm: The entire "Warriors" game begins

3:29pm: A corner of the living room is designated the storage for "Fresh Kill"

3:29:01pm: Resolve not to take my eye off these hooligans, lest our fish and hamsters become "Fresh Kill"

3:34pm: First of what I'm sure will be many tense moments: "Listen" "LISTEN" "Hey, guys, LISTEN" "BE QUIET" LISTEN!!!!!" "GUYS!" "GUUUUUUYYYYYS"

3:42pm: 6 "cats" fighting and screaming in the living room next to the dining room. Seriously questioning my decision to remain within hearing distance of this event

4:06pm: Things are a little quiet. I'm starting to get.. Never mind. THEY'RE BACK. I jinxed it.

4:23pm: Found the first cherry ground into my living room carpet. Someone will pay

4:32pm: Consumed my first Cheetoh. Big Mistake.

4:50pm: Driven to my room by the noise noise noise. Bummer, because being in here so long without sleeping forced me to CLEAN it

4:58pm: First medical crisis-Boodle has a bloody nose. Not sure why, as there was no trauma. However, was informed by another child that lemonade had come out of HER nose, so maybe I need to pay a bit more attention to happenings here

5:02pm: Officially less than one hour until I can get some damn peace and quiet

6:45pm: And silence reigns supreme

December Recap #Who's Tired of December Already?: Gingerbread Houses for You and Me, Baby

2011-01-18T10:28:00.000-06:00

I know. You never thought December could drag on SO FAR into January, but here we are, up to the 23rd, with no end in sight.

Well, actually, since there are only 31 days in December, at least there's an end out there somewhere. And I promise I didn't do stuff every single day. Unless you REALLY want to hear about the breakfast sandwich I had at Burger King before we flew back to Texas. It was sausage, egg and cheese on a croissant, btw. Whew, check that day off the list!

ANYWAY.

Gingerbread houses. My dad and I got it into our heads one year that we would make a gingerbread house for Christmas. I think I was in high school? Maybe college? So we bought a kit, and that kit was dragged out every year FOREVER, and we talked about it every year. The box was never once cracked open, and it simply became another in a long line of traditions at Christmas: to tease each other endlessly, which is way more fun than the actual house ever would have been.

Cut to a few years ago, and my mother-in-law bought a gingerbread house kit from Costco for Boodle to construct. And so an ACTUAL tradition was born. Every year, we buy two houses because hello, we live in AMERICA, where four kids are not required to share one thing.

The scene: Grandma Connie's house, with Grandma D supervising.

The breakdown of houses went as follows: Boodle and Boy Cousin worked on one, while Loodle and Girl Cousin worked on the other.

This pretty much sums up Boy Cousin's participation in the whole deal. I think there was some trepidation regarding messy icing, coupled with a ~~bossy~~ strong-willed cousin, so he was happy to watch the project progress.

In case you ~~live under a rock and are dead inside~~ have never used one of these kits, the key to success is a stable base. This requires some patience and 15 ENDLESS minutes to allow the icing to set.

There was some controversy on the second house, when Girl Cousin suggested that the chimney be attached in a non-traditional manner. Hence, GingerJaws House.

Already we see some structural problems occurring. The roof is starting to slide, so a gap is forming at the peak. Later, the gingerbread houses turned into candy banks, with the ones placed on the peak dropping one by one into the depths of the house. It's like a little secret surprise!

December Recap #3: Perfect Beach Day

2011-01-17T08:41:00.000-06:00

I grew up on the Central Coast of California. If you're not familiar, we were basically described as the "elbow" of Cali. This area is not exactly known for pristine, warm, swimmable beaches.

The one we went to in December is the closest to my hometown, only about 7 minutes away. If you want to go to a nice beach, say in Santa Barbara, that's more of a trek and frankly, snore. This one is probably my favorite beach. The wind, the almost guaranteed overcast skies, the turbulent waves that you really can't swim into. Why I think this is ideal, I can't say, except that I guess it reminds me of childhood, and walking the beach with my parents or my Grandmother, looking for shells and climbing with my brother in the dunes.

Now, of course, it's all ruined because, well, because now I'm OLD, but also because of some endangered bird. You can't go on the beach during certain times during the year, and forget about climbing the dunes. Stupid Snowy Plover.

Anyway. I was excited to take the girls to this beach and take home new memories of my CHILDREN walking the beach with me, looking for shells. NOT exploring the dunes. *grumble*

Here's some pics from the trip. Enjoy!

River leading out to the ocean.

Train tracks running across the river.

Discovered this section of the beach was closed, so we had to drive around to another stretch near the train depot.

Here are the girls waving at the train going by. Grandma was here, but couldn't manage the trek down the hill, so she's sitting right in front of that building on a bench. You can't see her. So I might be lying about all of that. But I'm not.

December Recap #2: Surprise Party

2011-01-14T15:29:00.000-06:00

My good friend M turned 40 in December, and Tiffany, myself and our other friend K decided to throw her a surprise birthday bash. With a Murder Mystery theme. AWESOMENESS.

I had the easy part. I got to sit in Texas and say, Yes, great idea. Run with that. And I approve of that other thing that will require you to do additional work. And that last thing? Go ahead and work on that before I get there.

The Murder Mystery was set during a Hollywood Oscar After Party, so we were required to dress up. One of the few jobs I was given was to get M to wear fancy clothes so she would fit in with the rest of us. I ended up telling her we were taking her out somewhere NICE while I was there visiting, so she had to wear something special. I described my dress to give her a frame of reference.

I wore a Chinese cheongsam that my friend Monica generously gave to me. I had it altered a bit to fit my curves, and then I FRETTED about it forever because it was slit up to my upper thighs. I dithered and worried and voiced concerns and even bought a whole other separate dress until my OTHER good friend W helped me see the light. Also, a pair of leggings worn underneath helped a great deal with my modesty.

I ended up flying out three days before The Man and the girls so I could help with the final details and attend the party in peace. We furthered the ruse by taking M out to a Danish village near our hometown so that her Mom could cook the food for the party.

Did I mention it was raining the whole time we were there? That was fun.

We got back from Solvang and got ready, and after some scheduling issues and last minute freak-outs, everyone arrived and K and I picked up the birthday girl. While she had some suspicions that things were not what they seemed, she had no idea that 27 or so of her closest family and friends were at my Mother-in-law's house to throw her this party. She cried. Mission accomplished.

The party was a rousing success. EVERYONE got into character, and watching people mingling and finding clues and working out the mystery was so much fun. I've described the party to several of my friends here in Texas and they all want us to do it here as well.

Here are some poorly colored photos from that night. I was too busy enjoying myself to do a better job documenting it.

Happy 40th Birthday M! Thanks for going first. :)

December Recap #1: Anatomy of a Christmas Card

2011-01-13T18:50:00.006-06:00

Back at the beginning of December, I tried getting the girls to let me take their photos to put on Christmas cards. Usually not a problem, but because I wanted them to dress in something resembling ANYTHING that would go together, it proved to be the BIGGEST HASSLE EVER I HATE YOU MOM!

Finally, they settled on blue shirts. WHATEVER. I can make that work, or at least convert them to black & white.

We started out in front of the Christmas tree.

This is the only one I kept from that batch. They were horrible, and the tree isn't even decorated except for the little spot I thought would show in the background.

Change of venue. *cue eye rolling and long-suffering march ALL THE WAY to the back steps*

Okay. It's fine. I guess.

Things get a little tilt-y. Must pay more attention to background patterns.

Now the rails come off.

Can't remember what was happening, but it was HILARIOUS.

I have to be honest: I kinda directed them on these:

I saw a great card once with a toddler clearly pissed and screaming, and the big brother sitting next to her just covering his ears and staring at the camera. My directions were: one of you is super cheesy happy grin, and the other is disgusted.

It wasn't even until I went to process these shots that I realized Loodle was wearing pink lip gloss. Sigh. I'm not adept enough at Photoshop to make that look good.

The following three I ended up using on the card, but in Black & White.

I didn't include them here in B&W because the color tone was off. I know that sounds weird, but trust me. It looked fine on the card because we used 7 photos around the border and they were small. When I look at them in a larger size, it shows me how much I still need practice and education in Photoshop. Also, for the love of all things holy, THE LEANING. Must remember to have them lean their heads together, because with the whole tilting of the steps in the background, I had to rotate the photo even further in their direction and now I'm perpetually afraid they are going to fall off the stairs.

Luckily I've got these two numbskulls to ~~torture~~ practice on while I'm learning.

Note: This would be where I include the card, but I ordered it from Walgreen's and heck if I know how to get that from there to here. What am I, a wizard?

Okay, That Wasn't A Fair Representation

2011-01-11T19:59:00.003-06:00

That photo I posted of myself yesterday. I really like it, and my youngest daughter took it with no advice from me. Great lighting, I only cropped it (fill the frame, FILL THE FRAME) and of course smoothed out the wrinkles and dark circles.

But it really doesn't represent how I'm currently feeling, and who am I to let the lies continue?

THIS is more like it:

Let it not be said that I refuse to post ugly-ass photos of myself on the internet.

(Note to Readers: photo taken on my favorite windy, overcast, rip-tide prone beach in California; more attractive photos of my family are forthcoming)

(Note to The Man: I TOLD you I'd post one)

Oops, I Meant Me

2011-01-10T15:49:00.005-06:00

Remember when I said this lady was sick?

Yeah, I meant THIS lady.

Which, because that's me, is like, way worse.

Mom, I know you've got the Bronchitis and all, but I have a Head Cold and Upset Stomach, so I totally win.

I'll be back when I'm feeling better, and I'm sure I'll know by then that I should apologize to my mother.

Plague Alert!

2011-01-05T15:16:00.004-06:00

This lady

(Noggin decor courtesy of Loodle)

has a cold. A pretty bad one, from the sound of things. I called today to see how my mom was doing, and the phone was answered with a croak, and then a chest-rattling coughing fit. She squeaked out that she'd been sick since new year's. BOO! She went to the doc yesterday to get some powerful drugs. YAY!

I'm trying not to feel guilty, since we probably brought the plague to her at Christmas in the form of a coughing 10-year-old. Mom told me she didn't think it was us, and I'm inclined to believe her because the alternative is to never visit her again.

Please send your thoughts/prayers/good mojo California's way for BD's mom to be on the mend soon!

Happy New Year!

2011-01-04T18:51:00.004-06:00

I will follow up this boring post with details and photos of our fabulous, albeit wet, California vacation.

Today, however, I will share with you my New Year's Resolutions, in picture form. Can you guess what they are?

1. Cook healthier meals
2. Learn how to better use spices and seasonings in my cooking
3. Try more exotic recipes (Indian! Exotic AND uses spices! It's a twofer!!)
4. Copy successful recipes into my recipe book, so I don't have to search through the 17 cookbooks I have to find them again
5. Lose some weight. (Hopefully steps 1-4 will lead to this, although searching through heavy cookbooks might burn extra calories and get my heart rate up)
6. Improve my photography skills by taking pics of things besides people.
7. Post more on this blog!

I've enjoyed keeping up with all your adventures on your various blogs, or actually talking to you in person. Can't wait to see what the new year brings for us all!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2010-12-16T16:35:00.002-06:00

Because I'm not any more original than last year, here's the second annual link to the reason for the season. Have a great Christmas, y'all!

But I Think I'll Miss Paper

2010-12-15T21:31:00.002-06:00

The Man came home with a surprise yesterday. A coworker came into his office with a box. He had been given a Christmas gift by his brother-in-law, and didn't want it. He offered it to The Man.

The present?

A KINDLE.

I've been salivating over the Kindle for a long time, but couldn't justify the expense. The books aren't really cheaper than the average paperback (the latest releases, anyway), and I've been going to the library and half-priced bookstore lately to save money.

But DUDE. How do you turn down a free Kindle?

Spoiler: YOU DO NOT.

I've already bought a leather case off of eBay, and scoured the free book section on Amazon. There's a lot of crap out there, in case you weren't aware.

I did manage to get in two purchases to fill in my collection for an author I love, and bought some kids' chapter books for $0.88 before I declared I needed to step away from the 1-click ordering.

So far today, I've been able to read on it only when the kids are at school. As soon as Boodle got in the van after school, she asked to have it, and is now a good way into Black Beauty. Loodle already finished one of the books I put there for her. I really wanted to read my book while we waited for Boodle's art lesson to finish, but how do I tell my youngest to STOP READING?

I see massive rationing and a timer system in our futures.

Just a Few More Days To Go!

2010-12-13T07:08:00.002-06:00

I'm gearing up for a big trip to California for Christmas, so things are busy busy busy around here. Between last minute shopping, events at school, and NOT cleaning my house, I'm going to be glad to go on vacation and RELAX. Yeah, right.

You know how busy I've been? So busy that my tree is up but undecorated, and it shall remain so this year. I know. Sacrilege. I just couldn't get into the spirit of hauling out all the boxes, forcing the rest of the family to decorate it with me, and then face putting it all away after we get back. It's like my heart shrunk three sizes this year.

I DID put out the outdoor decorations, though. Must keep up appearances! I'll try to get a nighttime twinkly photo to show you. It's been COLD, so my motivation has been much like the tree-decorating. And now, Meg is throwing snowballs my way for saying it was "cold" here. Look, I had to wear a JACKET last night. Pity me.

Speaking of last night, The Man and I went on our bi-weekly (does that mean every other week? Because that's what I mean) date night. There's a theater here that has tables in front of each row of seats, and you get to order dinner with your movie. Totally fun. Last night, they had a special screening of Immortal Beloved, a semi-fictional account of the life of Beethoven.

The best part? They had live musicians at the front of the theater who performed Beethoven's music before the movie and at a special intermission. The head guys is a renowned bassist, and had composed some new stuff based on Beethoven's work. I could live without his stuff, but the straight Beethoven they played was SO good.

As my friend W said a while back when I was describing paintings we saw by Monet and Renoir and Degas, they're considered the classics for a reason. I just don't think there's much music out there that's more beautiful than the two sonatas they played: Moonlight and Pathetique.

It was a really fun night, and another reason I'm glad we've moved to this city.

Now, time to pack! What? I only have FOUR DAYS to get it done!

2010-12-06T13:58:00.002-06:00

I came across this while reading The Bloggess. Awesome? Or way too much time on his hands?

From his post on YouTube, the songs are...

-Office Theme Song (0:18)
-Linus and Lucy (0:38)
-Turkish March (1:13)
-Mario Brothers Theme (1:27)
-In the Hall of the Mountain King (1:54)
-Bad Romance (2:07)
-Viva La Vida (2:50)
-Like a Virgin (3:03)
-Crazy Train (3:23)
-Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger (4:01)
-James Bond Theme (4:15)
-Pirates of the Caribbean Theme (4:35)
-The Final Countdown (featuring my friend, Quin) (4:56)

Lacking Any Substantive Brain Cells, I Simply Wish You A Happy Weekend

2010-12-03T22:50:00.000-06:00

Our Non-Turkey Turkey Day

2010-11-30T18:15:00.005-06:00

We decided this year to go back to our post-California tradition of taking a family vacation during Thanksgiving. My mom came out to visit last year, and we invited cousins over, but it just wasn't the same for us. We've really come to enjoy doing touristy-type things here in Texas when we're not surrounded by 4 million people in 10,000 degree heat.

Last Tuesday night we left for exotic, fun-filled Houston. Okay, not so much exotic, but we DID have fun. Here's where I'd insert all the awesome photos I took, except I took very few photos. It's all part of my campaign to actually be in the moment instead of trying to digitally capture the moment.

However, here's a few gems as proof that we went out and did stuff:

WEDNESDAY: Houston Zoo

I can't even remember what this animal was (rat rabbit?), but he really couldn't care less as long as I shut the hell up and let him nap. For crying out loud.

THURSDAY: Space Center

Spectacularly bad photo attempting to incorporate one of my children and a logo, thus proving that we were in fact there. And no, I didn't Photoshop it. I would have done a MUCH better job with Photoshop.

This was Thanksgiving Day, so we did the traditional meal of Moo Goo Gai Pan and Shrimp Fried Rice at Kim Son downtown. What?

FRIDAY MORNING: Houston Art Museum

Nothing good to take photos of here. Mostly about looking at old paintings and abstract art that I don't understand. Boodle is super into art, and has been for years, so we thought this would be up her alley. Unfortunately, this day was all about wanting to go back to the hotel and sit in the hot tub, so we didn't linger much in the gallery.

FRIDAY AFTERNOON: Houston Museum of Natural Science

Here's what the majority of my time was spent doing:Watching Loodle as she waited for this pendulum to move far enough to knock over the next triangular object lined up in a circle. Which happened maybe every 20 minutes. My child is a giant, giant nerd. The End.

Speaking of our hotel (was I?), The Man scored us an amazing suite at the Doubletree near The Galleria. One room had two queen beds, the other had a foldout couch. Kids got the couch room, and after one night of fighting Boodle for bed space, Loodle decided a cushion bed on the floor was the bomb.
Here, she's being awakened at the crack of 9am so we can go get the breakfast buffet.

SATURDAY: The last day was spent looking at this before we headed back home:

Can you tell where we were?

Why, we were at the downtown aquarium, of course. Isn't that obvious?

We hit the Rainforest Cafe in Katy, TX on the way out of town, but sadly did not get the molten lava volcano cake with a sparkler on top. This trip blows.

Ah, I kid. Next time you're considering ditching extended family and going on a small road trip at Thanksgiving with your significant other and/or your kids? DO IT.

====

Best. Party. Ever.

2010-11-29T19:43:00.011-06:00

Loodle's birthday party happened the Sunday before Thanksgiving. I generally ask her what she wants to do, what theme she's going for and then take it from there. Her favorite part is having me surprise her with the cake. I'm not allowed to even tell her that I am BUYING a cake. It could be cupcakes! It could be birthday flan!!

This year's theme? Nancy Drew.

Yes, I double checked and she is indeed not a normal 8-year-old.

Of course, this makes my job extra fun. You've been to a party store before, or at least glanced at the party supplies at the grocery store. Elmo? Check. High School Musical? Check. Transformers? Check.

Nancy Drew? Not so much. No prepackaged party favors, no list of party activities to run down. Not even a damn cake. Because honestly? Nancy Drew is kinda square. Don't get me wrong, I read the books too back in the day, but SUPER DORK FACTOR. However, being the awesome, creative, super-ingenious parents that we are, we ROCKED a Nancy Drew party.

"I get to do cups and ice? Fine, I WILL do cups and ice." (name that quote)

It started with the party invitations. They contained the following, in very mysterious fashion, created by yours truly:

"You’re Invited To Solve The Great Birthday Mystery!"

"Nancy Drew, a.k.a. Loodle, invites you to come help her solve the Great Birthday Mystery. Bring your best investigative skills and comfortable shoes, as you’re going to canvass the neighborhood for clues. Snacks, drinks and dessert will be provided.
** NOTE TO PARENTS: a few of our neighbors (fellow Elementary School parents) will be participating in the fact finding mission, and detective chaperones will be present during all evidence discovery. No rogue P.I. work will be required."

Next, I turned my attention to The Cake. I talked to a few grocery stores, because I'm super high class and not above spending upwards of Twenty Dollars, and settled on bringing in a photo to be put on edible paper. It turned out like this:

Okay, it's not exactly going to be featured on Ace of Cakes, but you can damn well figure out it's a Nancy Drew there, right? RIGHT?

Now the hard part. We had to create the entire "Mystery Adventure" portion of the party. Which was to constitute the Major Activity during the whole shebang, so it had to be the bee's knees. Didn't I mention the SUPER DORK FACTOR?

The Man is a computer game designer, you know that right? Like, he gets PAID for it and everything. So this was RIGHT up his alley. Only, he was a little stumped, and so over dinner/in the car/while laying in bed one night, I offered my idea of the girls having to go around and get puzzle pieces from each neighbor and having to come back and put them together to solve the mystery. GENIUS, right?

Well, he totally didn't use that, but that DID spark an idea in his mind, and he was off and running, so really, IT WAS ALL MY IDEA.

The premise was that someone had stolen a stuffed toy/statue at noon from our house, and we had a list of suspects who might have done it. The girls had to go around the neighborhood with their checklists on a clipboard and gather clues regarding the whereabouts of each guy.

Before the party, we gave four of my neighbors, as well as Boodle in our back yard, "clues" to hide for each group of girls that came by, and a story that a suspicious character had been around their house at noon. The clues consisted of things that would relate to each suspect (crayons, candy wrappers, chess pieces, and coat buttons). The girls went to interview them, and looked around to see what they could turn up. If they found a clue, they knew that guy was there at the time of the crime, and couldn't have stolen the statue from our house.

Here are the suspects:

Dude. This party? Was THE BOMB. As the girls ran down the street to a different house to gather info, they were screaming "this is so awesome!!"

Our neighbors were really into it as well. My friend Monica kept asking for her "script" all week, and wanted to know if she needed to don her Crazy Cat Lady Costume. She ended up telling the girls they had to jump on the trampoline a bit to see if they could find a clue that way, and the clue ended up being tied to her dog's collar. Awesome.

Loodle's team was the first to finish and figure out it was Harry Porter whodunnit. They accosted The Man with the realization that all the characters were him! It was pretty funny how long it took them to come out with that.

When the girls all came back for cake, The Man surreptitiously put the stuffed animal back inside the footstool from where it disappeared, and had Harry Porter call and leave a message for Loodle, telling her if she waved his magic wand over the stool it would reappear.

I have never been more proud of our parenting skills. We totally enthralled 12 second grade girls without spending a dime on "entertainment".

However, I'm pretty sure we are going to have to discontinue birthday parties around here, because nothing can top this one. Loodle was so happy to have everything she wanted, and our creative juices have been wiped out. Luckily, we have until June before Boodle declares she wants the exact. same. thing.

And They Gave Thanks

2010-11-23T17:40:00.003-06:00

I'm shutting down early in order to more fully enjoy the holiday.

Everyone have a wonderful Turkey Day, and remember to be thankful.

I'm thankful to not be cooking.

The End

------

Happy Birthday Little Girl

2010-11-22T22:35:00.005-06:00

This kid is 8 years old?

Not possible. I swear I just blinked, and all this happened.

Happy birthday Loodle. You march to your own beat, dress to please only yourself, and never fail to surprise and delight me. Rock on, sweet girl.

The Big Reveal

2010-11-21T20:03:00.002-06:00

So, if you read Friday's post, I asked what you thought I did with the doughnuts remaining from Loodle's school birthday celebration.

As it turns out, Annemarie had it right. I am ashamed to say I ate TWO of them. They were in fact two of the most delicious doughnuts I've ever tasted. I got them from a local doughnut shop, and they were freshly made that morning. How can I resist that, I ask you?

As it turns out, God was watching. We went to a BBQ at our softball coach's house yesterday afternoon, and at the end of the party, the coach's wife pulled me aside to say that I had a big hole in the back of my jeans.

And in the TMI department, I was wearing a thong.

Okay, God. I get it: Step away from the doughnuts. Message received, LOUD AND CLEAR.

And maybe look into briefs.

-----

Did She Or Didn't She?

2010-11-19T15:57:00.004-06:00

You, the readers, get to voice your opinion. I brought two dozen doughnuts to Loodle's class today to celebrate her birthday. I brought 6 home with me.

Did I, merely ONE DAY after telling The Man that I was SERIOUS about getting in shape, indulge and eat one of the doughnuts, or was I strong and victorious?

YOU MAKE THE CALL.

Wordless Wednesday: Boss Hog Is (Disturbingly) Anatomically Correct

2010-11-17T20:03:00.001-06:00

Where Does She GET This Stuff?

2010-11-14T16:48:00.003-06:00

After an additional prescription for more kick ass antibiotics, Loodle is on the mend, and set to be sent back to school tomorrow. My DVR and I thank the Lord. I can only go so many days without finding out what's happening at Seattle Grace.

Today, as kind of a mini celebration of good health, we decided to make banana bread (recipe below, stolen from America's Test Kitchen). We added peanut butter chips instead of walnuts today, and O.M.G.

I had heard through the babysitter that I "never let the girls bake with me, and I don't let them measure and mix anything".

Okay, here's the deal. I DON'T BAKE. I believe in the last year I've made maybe 6 loaves of banana bread, and a couple of apple cakes, and maybe one batch of cookies. That's it. And I also believe that each and every time I ask if anyone wants to help me, the resounding response is "meh". I cry foul, my name having been besmirched.

So today, by golly, I was going to let Loodle do EVERYTHING possible, so a good report could be sent back to the babysitter and I could have something recent to point to and say "NUH UH!". Of course, her interest in the process waned significantly when she realized measuring and mixing and combining and creaming and so forth actually take time and attention.

She limped along with my help until the portion where you have to use the mixer. As she was incorporating the eggs into the butter/sugar bowl, she said, "when it looks like old Grandma skin, it's done mixing".

I kid you not. And you know what?

You pretty much nailed it, kid. Minus the liver spots of course.

Banana Bread

1 1/2 C Unbleached all purpose flour
1/2 C Cake Flour
3/4 C Sugar, DIVIDED
1 tsp Baking Powder
1 tsp Baking Soda
1/2 tsp Salt
3 large very ripe bananas, mashed well (about 1 1/2 cups)
1/4 C plain low-fat yogurt (**we use non-fat)
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 Tbs unsalted butter, softened
2 eggs
1/4 C chopped walnuts (or 1/2 C peanut butter chips)

-Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour bottom and sides of 9" x 5" loaf pan.
-Mix flour, cake flour, 1/4 C sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a medium bowl and set aside.
-Mash banana in a small bowl, and mix with yogurt and vanilla, then set aside.
-In a large bowl, beat together the remaining 1/2 C sugar and butter together on med-high speed until light and fluffy. Add eggs one at a time and beat well after each addition.
-Reduce mixer to low. Beat in half flour mixture just until incorporated, then one third of the banana mixture. Beat in another half of the flour mixture, then half the remaining banana mixture. Add the remaining flour mixture, then the banana mixture.
-Depending on your taste, stir in nuts or peanut butter chips with a rubber spatula, then scrape mixture into loaf pan.
-Bake 55 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.
-Cool in the baking pan for 10 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack. Serve warm or at room temperature.

(In the past, in an effort to reduce the calories and fat as much as possible, I've also substituted 2/3 C Egg Beaters for the actual eggs, and it still came out pretty good. Today was all about the calories, man.)

Judge Not...

2010-11-13T17:26:00.003-06:00

I was in the local grocery store today to look into getting a cake made for Loodle's 8th birthday party next weekend.

Side note: it's a Nancy Drew party, for which there are NO pre-packaged party supplies. We actually have to get creative. Life is so hard in the 1st world.

So while I waited my turn, I was flipping through the book of cakes, just in case the selection had changed since last year when I was looking for cakes (news flash: it hasn't). The couple before me were getting a wedding cake, and the cake lady was advising them on the aesthetic. Color choices were made, and the bride-to-be was not fussy about fruit filling or exotic decor.

Then, the third member of their party piped up and asked "can we mmmphfph that?" I didn't quite get it, and neither did cake lady, but then he repeated, "can we food stamp that?" The cake lady replied yes, and he was very pleased by this, since he'd have stamps next month for that.

I was left with a funny feeling about the whole thing. Sad that the couple had to use food stamps to help pay for their cake. A little disturbed that one COULD use food stamps. Bummed that they had to go to a grocery store to get a wedding cake. And kinda ashamed that I was eaves-dropping and judging a situation I know nothing about and I've got no business in.

Like the way I did my wedding gives me the right to deem theirs as lacking because I got my cake from a caterer and not the grocery store. Or that I didn't use food stamps, but instead let Daddy pay for it. I didn't even have dancing or alcohol at my wedding. How fun was THAT day for everyone? That's pretty much the only reason to GO to weddings, right? Oh, I know, support the happy couple, yadda yadda. At least it was in the afternoon so everyone could go out later and get hammered and talk about how square I am.

So, now I'm sharing my story with you all, mostly to assuage my guilt about being so judgy. But also so we can all wish them a blessed union, and hope that they don't accidentally end up with my Nancy Drew cake.

Wordless Wednesday: The Battle Rages On

2010-11-10T20:46:00.003-06:00

(Not pictured: humidifier, soft blanket, TV remote control, cup of water, books, crayons, and mommy snuggles)

Conversations Like This. All The Time.

2010-11-09T19:54:00.004-06:00

Tiffany and I had appointments to get our hair done on Friday, but we unexpectedly had to go to the school because ~~The Man thought being on time for work was more important than us being on time to get pampered WHATEVER~~ I'd forgotten to give some cash to the girls for School Store. I had to scrounge all my change around the house, making us even later.

Me: I can't believe The Man wouldn't drop this off for me. **Insert additional unreasonable griping here**

Tiffany: I know! **Insert completely supportive best friend sympathy here**

Me: And, I could only give them two dollars each because I didn't have any cash. They're gonna be mad at me. I gave the last of it to you so you could get that cupcake at the mall. So really, this is all your fault!

Tiffany: Oh, but you know what? It was a really good cupcake.

---

NEVER Test The Fates

2010-11-08T16:53:00.003-06:00

NEVER.

NEVER.

EVER.

Like, truly don't do it.

NEVER say your kids just don't get that sick, they must have really strong immune systems.

Because then you get this:
It's 4:30pm, and this is a child who hasn't napped since 2005, so you KNOW this is serious.

This all began with me getting a 3:30am wake-up by a coughing, fever-addled 7-year-old. (Actually it all began with me being a smug idiot, but whatever.)

Which led to a trip to the doctor.

Which led to a concern about "muffled" lung sounds all the way down on the right and an O2 reading of 96.

Which led to me saying in my head: "Decreased breath sounds on the right! Thoracotomy tray!"

Which led to me realizing I watch too much TV.

Off we went to the lab to get a chest x-ray.

Which led to a diagnosis of pneumonia and a course of strong antibiotics.

Which led to a trip to McDonald's because their warm chocolate chip cookies aid in fever reduction, as you all know.

Which led to me saying, NEVER AGAIN WILL I UTTER THOSE STUPID, IDIOTIC WORDS.

Instead I say, my kids are sick all the damn time, we never get a break from the sick sickness of sick.

I'm pretty sure that makes up for my indiscretion.

Guess Who's Here?

2010-11-05T20:14:00.003-05:00

THIS LADY!

That's my sister-in-law Tiffany. She got here on Wednesday and oy, the talking.

We went on an epic shopping trip yesterday, where I bought nary a thing, but she bought a zillion dollars worth of new clothes and shoes and stuff. My friend Monica went with us and was Tiffany's personal shopper (a job which Monica has actually done in the past for people when she lived in L.A.). We locked Tiffany in a dressing room and pummeled her with garments. Turns out? She's got a figure! Which was hidden earlier in the day by a decade old Rush t-shirt with a hole in it and a hoodie that was 2 sizes too large.

(Once her husband gets the credit card bill, I'm afraid he will declare this the last trip she ever takes to see me.)

Today, we went to get our hair done, and don't you think hers turned out nicely in the above photo? It was snapped with my little Nikon Coolpix outside The Man's office building. I couldn't resist the light - beeyoutiful!

The Man then whisked her away for a night of board/strategy gaming downtown. Tomorrow it's visiting with relatives and taking the kids to see Megamind.

Please leave suggestions in the comments on how I can convince her stay here in my house forever. I'm pretty sure her husband and children would get used to life without her EVENTUALLY.

Correction

2010-11-05T00:08:00.003-05:00

Okay, apparently I need to issue a correction to my previous post regarding The Watermelon.

There does appear to be photographic evidence of the cutting of The Watermelon. This was sent to my by The Man.

I stand corrected.

I also stand outraged that I had to post such sub-par photography on my blog. I apologize to my more sensitive readers.

I also also want to clear up any confusion: this post was NOT brought to you by the makers of Pam or Sun Maid Raisins. Or garlic or shallots or onions or spaghetti noodles or sprayable olive oil or cheesy 10-year-olds.

Did I Ever Tell You About The Watermelon?

2010-11-02T21:54:00.000-05:00

A few months back, the girls asked if they could plant some flowers, and since we care about our landscaping not at all, we said SURE, and headed to the flower mecca of Texas: Walmart.

We each picked out various flowers and some dirt. The Man, because he's a rebel, decided to buy a watermelon plant. Considering it was approximately 1,000 degrees when we did this, there wasn't a vast amount of hope that any of our plants would survive, much less produce sweet summer fruit.

I seem to have deleted the photos I took of the planting process, but here's what happened: we planted the flowers and the watermelon plant, and then the watermelon plant ate our house.

Here, I'll show you where everything was planted.

This is where the watermelon plant was originally put into the ground, as a 4" little guy.

And then...
This is ALL WATERMELON PLANT HERE.

Here's where Boodle planted a calla lily, which was completely choked to death by the watermelon.

Here's Loodle's flowers, which so far have survived the encroachment.

So in the midst of all this wild tangle of vines, a watermelon started to grow.
(I know this photo is sideways, but it's late and someone is complaining that my photo uploads are making our XBOX NetFlix streaming angry, so just rotate your monitor 90 degrees clockwise, wouldya?)

And then, because we're freaky like this, a vine wrapped around some bushes near the house, and then a watermelon started to grow in mid-air.

Then, lo and behold, a watermelon flourished.

For perspective's sake, that's a SOFTBALL next to it.

Now, here's where I'd insert pictures of us cutting the watermelon open and exposing it's juicy goodness.

However, instead I'll insert text bemoaning how some people don't understand the importance of preserving every blessed thing in our lives for ~~The Internet People~~ our future grandchildren, and the watermelon was cut open while I was away.

It was delicious.

Halloweeeeeeeeeeen

2010-11-01T20:55:00.005-05:00

Halloween was... different this year. Boodle, being a grown-up 10-year-old, made plans to go to a friend's house and have dinner and trick-or-treat. And I was NOT invited. *sob*

Okay, I didn't really sob so much as heave a sigh of relief at getting out of what was sure to become Night At the Melodrama, but it is becoming apparent to me how few "kid" things I have left with her.

Luckily, Loodle, being only 7 (almost 8!), still ~~gets to be smothered with motherly attention~~ enjoys my company. However, she ALSO made plans with a friend in the neighborhood, but still invited me along.

Here are the costumes:

Loodle was a pirate, but below is the most Aaargh-worthy face she could muster:

For whatever reason, Boodle decided to be a fangless, bloodless vampire. So basically, an ominous Red Riding Hood.

Aaaargh, we want to deliver baked goods to Grandma!!!

Here are our awesomely carved pumpkins, surrounding the chair holding our candy, which was guarded fiercely by Sigmund the Spider. He sucked, because we still managed to get cleaned out by 8pm.

Hope you had a great Halloween! Now gimme some candy!

Enough With Depressing Posts - Let's Go To The Farm!

2010-10-30T20:00:00.015-05:00

There's a farm in a nearby town that hosts a bunch of fall festivities, and I was able to convince Loodle, my youngest, to go with me today. I have to admit that I would have been devastated if she didn't want to go, because I LOVE fall festivals, especially this one. I might even have considered going by myself, which wouldn't have been awkward at all.

First stop was the corn field maze, which is THE MAIN REASON I wanted to come to the farm. I LOVE corn field mazes (which I just typed as "maizes", but am resisting that stupid corny play on words). I always wanted to do go to one as a kid, but we never did stuff like that. Now that I'm an adult, I GET TO CHOOSE.

This one is shaped like the state of Texas, and there are checkpoints sprinkled throughout. You take your ticket in, and when you find each checkpoint, which corresponds to some landmark/city/point of interest in Texas, you use the hole punch hanging on a pole to mark the location on your ticket. Once you get all twelve, you bring your punched ticket to the front and they give you a free soda or water.

This maze averages an hour to complete, and it's Texas, which means the second to last day of October sported a high of 81 degrees, so the cold drink at the end is greatly appreciated.

(It's hot, take the damn picture, mom)

I have to admit we kind of cheated. Before we went in, someone told us to memorize the map because we'd really need it. So I took the map photo, and we referenced it as much as we could. You can't read the names, so we couldn't cheat TOO badly, but we were able to determine general areas to search.

After we found 10 spots, we decided to head back to the map to figure out where the final two locations actually were. We'd been at it for 1/2 an hour, and it was hot. Don't judge us. We quickly found the last two, and Diet Coke and pink lemonade never tasted so good.

(She could star in a TV show, she's good at strategically obscuring brand names)

After the maze, we took a hay ride, which I thought would be run-of-the-mill, but turned out to be fun. I have no pictures because dust and bumpy dirt roads do not make for effortless photography, but they had various scarecrow-like figures set up all around a wooded area. They were arranged with props, creating tableaux such as "School Room" and "Deer Hunting" and "Getting Hitched". They were very clever, and well worth the ticket price to see.

One of Loodle's favorite things, besides the maze, was making a Sand Art necklace. Not sure what that has to do with Fall, but oh, bright colors! In the shape of a pumpkin!

Then, of course, because I wouldn't be me without organizing a photo opportunity, look! Photos!

Because She Was His Favorite That Summer

2010-10-29T21:18:00.002-05:00

The summer before my dad died, my awesome sister-in-law and some friends took me to a Sarah McLachlan concert. Tiffany worked it out as a surprise, and she bought a ticket for my dad to come as well, because he had a crush on Sarah.

Unfortunately he was too sick with chemo to go. It was an amazing concert, and I cried and cried at the end because I think somehow I knew he wasn't going to get better, and I wished he was there to share that last event with me.

It took at least a year before I could listen to her music again, and now it just makes me remember, which is a good thing.

I love Sarah's new CD, and I think my dad would have found this song to be his favorite:

I've done some crying today, but I'm bolstered by good memories, and the thoughts and kind words of my friends, both Bloggy and IRL. Thanks for helping me get through another day.

"I thank my God upon every remembrance of you." Philippians 1:3

EPIC POST

2010-10-28T15:49:00.003-05:00

Wow, that post title is guaranteed to raise your expectations to a massive high, only to have them crash in spectacular fashion when this post isn't as awesome as your hopes and dreams would have it be.

That was a great sentence. I should end the post right here.

I guess I should elaborate A LITTLE more on what's been going on where I've been lately.

In complete honesty, the place I've been for the past few weeks is Bluesville.

Oy, the dramatic turn!

Don't be alarmed, it's nothing that melodramatic, it's just that every fall, around October, I seem to become melancholy. I cry at EVERYTHING, I don't want to read anything sad or dramatic, I want to see positive, romantic, happily ever after movies.

It usually takes me a few weeks of this before I realize what's going on. We're approaching those milestones and anniversaries that I dread every year. My dad passed away 6 years ago this Friday, and it sneaks up on me every year. Also, his birthday was November 8th, and then there's Thanksgiving, and then my parent's wedding anniversary is November 26th, and then there's Christmas. It's a two month reminder of all the things I'm missing. Things HE'S missing.

I think that's the part that makes me the saddest right now. All the things my kids are accomplishing and experiencing that they can't share with Grandpa.

ANYWAY. So that's where I've been, and now that I realize that's why I've been so BLAH, saved only by the busyness of two active children and a husband who actually wants to eat food and wear clean clothes, I can snap myself out of it.

Yes, it sucks that he died so early, but the world is still turning. There are so many cool things going on in life right now.

Like a day that didn't top 80 degrees.

And I found another t-shirt exactly like the one I'm wearing on the clearance rack at Old Navy and bought it, even though the cashier looked at me funny because hello, exact same shirt but I don't care because oh, the comfy.

And I have 4 fish in my bedroom tank that are named Phineas 2, 3, 4, and 5, and they go cuh-razy anytime I approach the tank because they loooove me (NOT because they've learned I'm the bringer of food).

And my sister-in-law is coming next week for a 5 day visit, during which I'm pretty sure she will not get a moment's peace even though it's a belated birthday vacation for her. However, I'll make up for it with fish tacos and queso.

And The Man is planning a Thanksgiving week vacation for our little family of four, and we're going to poke around a nearby city and stay in a hotel that hopefully has a hot tub. (YOU FEEL THAT, HONEY? THAT WAS A HINT CRACKING YOU UPSIDE THE HEAD)

And we're healthy.
And clothed and fed.
And HAPPY.
And WAY overusing the word "and".

I've got two kids and a husband who I love beyond measure, which I'm pretty sure is what my dad wanted most for me anyway. No sitting around moping for what could have been, or what I wanted my future to be with him still in it. Life hands you lemons, throw them at something really hard, and then move on.

One of his favorite bible verses was Matthew 3:17, which he hoped to hear when he got up to the Pearly Gates, and which I hope he's thinking of me (save a couple adjustments for gender):

"This is My Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."

Big Cat Halloween

2010-10-27T20:42:00.002-05:00

Okay, I'm attempting to get back on the blog bandwagon, so while I craft something SPECTACULAR, watch tigers and lions celebrate Halloween in their own style...

Happiness is...

2010-10-12T16:33:00.002-05:00

coming home after spending two hours in 90 degree heat outdoors at a field at school, and finding an ice cold Diet Coke hiding in the back of the fridge.

More Bugs!!

2010-10-05T09:36:00.000-05:00

In an effort to turn this blog into All Things Entomology, here's another first for us:

In the shade!

In the sunlight!

This guy was desperately trying to get into the master bathroom, where I presume he would attempt to enter my closet and try on my shoes, deeming them sooo 2007.

I missed the photo last week of a stick bug attempting to break into the living room and try his hand at Eye of the Tiger on Rock Band.

So, to sum up our 3.5 years in Texas: toad attempting to brain himself on our garage door, scorpion, snake, other scorpion, other snake, Winnie the Pooh frog, stick bug, tarantula, and praying mantis.

We're still waiting for the rattlesnake babies that Monica has found in her yard. Cross your fingers!!

Memaw Threw Her Back Out

2010-10-04T15:08:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty sure it was as I was trying to get in my van. That's it. That's what caused me to hobble around like my grandma. Attempting to sit behind the wheel of a vehicle I've had for almost 8 years. I kinda dragged a foot as I was getting in on Saturday afternoon, and sat down with oomph. A few hours later, my back started to feel kinda tight, with a slight pain on the right side.

By the middle of the night Saturday, I was In Pain. Tylen0l is all we have around here, which didn't help much. Not to worry, Dr. Google didn't think that would help my kidney stones or ectopic pregnancy, anyway. I spent a sleepless night, and a couch-bound Sunday being useless and whiny.

The Man, being a man and all, hated the whole thing because he couldn't FIX THIS PROBLEM for me. How sweet. He did rub my back and bring me a blanket and pillow at 4 in the morning Sunday, then took care of the kids all day (including being in charge of Cleaning Day), so he scored big in Husband Points.

He finally convinced me that peanut butter toast and Diet Coke was not working to fix my back pain, so I went to the doctor today and she diagnosed it was NOT kidney stones or ectopic pregnancy (she never even CONSIDERED them - quack), but instead was a muscle sprain that had gone to spasms because what idiot doesn't immediately go get some DRUGS to deal with back pain, but instead treats with Sunday Football? Oh, right, me.

I have to admit that I didn't want to go see her because last time I was there, she chided me on how close she was to having to bump up the little weight thingy on the scale to the next level, and I didn't want to Hear It. I had a speech prepared and everything: I've gained that final 3 pounds since I was here before and I'm officially fat now and I've thrown out my back so can you please just give me drugs and not lecture me and I'll come back next week when I'm not in pain and you can talk to me about not eating my feelings? Thanks.

Now I'm loaded up with Aleeeeve and some Muscle Relaxer that is supposed to knock me out, so tonight should be fantastic. Of course, who knows if I'll sleep because as she prescribed the pills, she told me she was only giving me 15 because it's highly addictive. Great. Now I'm picturing me as the older sister at her wedding in Sixteen Candles.

Hey, Lookit What We Have Here!

2010-09-30T13:36:00.001-05:00

Our first tarantula! At least we found it outside in the driveway, and not in the garage as I cleared junk out the other day. Or worse yet, in my sock drawer.

I bet you just can't wait to come visit me now!

What Can I Punch? Or Curse? Or Throw Flaming Sharks At?

2010-09-29T22:14:00.003-05:00

Found out at Boodle's softball game tonight that one of the girls' dad passed away this past week. I had heard he was sick, that he had terminal cancer, but I had no idea his time was so short.

This girl is 10 years old. And she's lost her dad. It's the second time someone Boodle's age, that she's acquainted with, has lost a father.

It just... sucks.

Busyness Consists Of...

2010-09-27T20:25:00.003-05:00

SOFTBALL

Boodle has started playing softball, and my blood pressure has never been higher. I can't help it. I'm a bundle of nerves at every game, worrying that SHE'S worrying about doing well. They got maybe 4 practices in before the first game, at which Boodle pitched. She managed to strike someone out, which is a feat for a new pitcher, but there was also a lot of lawn bowling going on.

Subsequently, she never wanted to pitch again. Of course. She hated having everyone stare at her for each and every play. Too much pressure. In that game, she also managed to get a hit, steal two bases and then score.

The next game she played third, and didn't realize that hey, when someone's stealing third, SHE has to cover. Also, after everyone shouted "play's at home", when the ball was hit to her, she turned and overthrew first base. Her first error! Slowly but surely she's getting it. And having fun in the meantime.

Her two best friends from school are on her team, so that definitely helps. Plus the season only lasts until the end of October, so I'll be back to my normal non-stressed self by then.

CHESS CLUB

Loodle has joined the chess club at school. She's in second grade, but still not the youngest player. There's a kindergarten boy who trounces all comers. It's impressive. Luckily, The Man has been able to take time off work to go and assist with the club.

It's great that he gets to play ball with his older daughter and then play chess with his younger daughter. They are so different, but he can connect with both of them. Hooray!

SCHOOL

I've been volunteering at school much more this year than the last few. I got involved with the Supplemental Reading Program, which received a grant (or something like a bag full of money) that allowed them to purchase a ton of new books. It's a great program because the teacher is able to help those students who need a little extra work on their reading.

All this is well and good, but what do you DO with 1,500 new sets of books? You have to stamp them with the school name, alphabetize them, sort them by reading level, bag them in groups, and then integrate them into your current library. Oy. It's a big job, but it really appeals to that part of my brain that LOVES to organize.

Also, I'm volunteering with the Marathon Kids program, where the kids run a mile after school each Tuesday, and then they're to run an additional mile during the week with their families or friends. After 13 weeks, they get a medal and a t-shirt showing that they ran a marathon. A very sloooooow marathon, but still.

I'm hoping that this will inspire me to do the Couch to 5K program. Ahahahahahaha. No, really! I'm getting way too lax with exercising, and dieting can only get me so far. Which is not far at all right now. I'm not at all into running, but I figure I need SOMETHING to kick my butt. Hey, if a kindergartner can run a mile, so can I.

WEATHER

Okay, this only just came about today, but the weather felt like fall today! Actual fall weather. NOT SUMMER WEATHER. Loodle stayed home with a "stomach ache", but was feeling better by mid-morning, so we went out into the back yard to swing. It wasn't even 72 degrees out. Heaven!

I looked around and saw so much JUNK strewn about the yard, and got to work. Two garbage bags later, and the broken deck box disassembled, The Man has quite a job for himself on trash day.

Then, after school, because the weather THE WEATHER, I cleaned out the garage. Never have I seen so many dead bugs. Dude, where did all these pill bugs come from? And why are they dead in my garage? Well, they're gone now. As are the three giant wasps that kept trying to come in and start a nest on the inside of my garage door (WTH?). I sprayed them with bleach cleaner. I know, I'm a genius.

I am loathe to tell you about the little lizard I accidentally smushed with a storage box. I said sorry, and swept him out to the bushes, where I saw his detached tail wiggle for well over a minute. Gross. Again, sorry little lizard.

POSSIBLE CONCUSSION

The last bit of busyness consisted of me hitting myself in the forehead alarmingly hard with Boodle's softball bat. To the point that one side of the "tree stump" on my forehead (that's what we lovingly call my frown lines because they look like the sides of a tree stump) disappeared as my forehead swelled. I'm pretty sure I lost a couple of days in there somewhere due to that hit.

Here's how it didn't happen: at softball practice, at home helping Boodle with her swing, during the game after some young girl threw her bat when she got a hit.

Here's how it did happen: I was pulling her softball bag out of the back of the van and the bat swung forward and whacked me on the forehead.

The End

Oh dear. Backpedal! Backpedal!

2010-09-16T16:55:00.004-05:00

So I've been gone awhile. I keep thinking, I should update my blog, but then LIFE gets in the way, you know? I'm going to posit that this is a good thing, and remember that this blog is here for enjoyment, as an outlet for my brain, and who wants to read if I'm only posting out of obligation? Moving on.

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I went to the girls' school today and had lunch with them during their respective lunch times.

Let me preface this story with the news that Loodle had an appointment at the dentist after school today, and for my more sensitive readers, I SHALL LEAVE IT AT THAT.

I had lunch with Boodle first, and she had her other 5th grade friends come sit at the special lunch table with us. We were discussing this, that and the other, and I turned to Boodle and asked if she could keep a secret from her sister for a day.

She said sure, so I told her that I had gotten an extra special thing for her sister to leave under her pillow tonight.

I looked up and one of the girls was staring at me, and she then opened her mouth and asked me "is the tooth fairy real?".

Another girl said, "I still think the tooth fairy is real".

A third girl started to say "the tooth fairy is your parents, and so is Santa Claus", but I started talking over her to drown her out.

I looked at the first girl, and said "well, the thing that I got for Loodle is an extra thing because the dentist says that when you have (redacted description), you get extra stuff. So I'm just adding to what the tooth fairy brings."

I think she bought it, but she also then told me a story about seeing a book that her dad brought home from Target, and the next morning that same book was under her pillow, so I might have been the straw that broke the camel's back. You're welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Fifth Grade Parents.

Here's the thing. Fifth grade is 10-11 year olds. It NEVER even occurred to me that anyone would still believe in the tooth fairy before opening up my mouth to spew the dream-killer all over the table.

Part of me thinks, "you know what? You're going to SIXTH GRADE next year. I think it's time to give up on those childhood fantasies. Because those bitches in middle school will destroy you."

When did you realize that the tooth fairy, and Santa for that matter, were not real? I'll admit that I have NO IDEA when I found out. There was no life-altering moment that I can remember, so I'm guessing that by adulthood, the scars have healed.

Why Did Butterscotch Pony Have To Die?

2010-09-08T13:06:00.000-05:00

Terrorist Butterscotch Pony's plot to wreak havoc on local elementary school foiled by bomb squad.

I couldn't figure out how to get individual photos onto my blog, so you have to click through, but it's totally worth it

I Just Love A Good Tropical Storm

2010-09-07T15:36:00.003-05:00

Tropical Storm Hermine and her unfortunate name, came ashore today. For those of us in Central Texas, this alarms us not in the least. By the time it gets to us, it's all rain and blustery winds, as opposed to "O.M.G. my house is going to float away!"

Note: if your house has ever floated away as a result of a tropical storm, I apologize for my crass insensitivity

It's perfect stay-inside-in-front-of-the-TV weather. As if I need an excuse. The only thing that disturbs me is it brings into sharp focus the fact that I really need either gutters or a rain barrel in the back yard.

I have nothing else of interest to report at this time. Oh, I went to Costco today with Monica. I bought bread. The End.

"You know, I sense that I should stop."

How To Know You're At The Right Restaurant

2010-09-06T18:18:00.003-05:00

- It's floating on the lake

- The outdoor patio is covered and has fans (it's Texas in September, y'all)

- You get seated at the edge of the patio right next to the water

- There's a band and a dance floor

- The band does a warm up number, and drunk gentleman gets his groove on, solo, in the middle of the dance floor

- They serve queso

- People pull up and dock their boats next to the patio and come in to eat

- One of those people is a 60ish man wearing a tank top reading "I wish I were a thong"

- Another of those people is a 60ish woman sporting what was probably a tremendous set of tatas back in the day, but are now somewhere south of her equator, which doesn't stop her from showcasing their brilliance in a small bikini and sheer cover-up

- They sell pellets of food to throw out to the ducks and fish

- When you're full, but still have 1/3 of your burger leftover, the waiter picks it up, hucks it into the water in it's entirety, saying that the ducks and fish LOVE that

- You enjoy a beautiful Saturday evening with your kids, and no one falls in the lake

Ooooh, So Close

2010-08-30T20:50:00.003-05:00

I am a contradiction.

I've got a really good attitude, when it comes to other moms and teachers at our school. I'm 39, comfortable in my own skin, and happy to be who I am. I'm pretty dorky, not at all put together like most of these other ladies, and I'm okay with that. I pride myself on being laid back with a tendency to go with the flow. I avoid the drama, and I think that makes me pretty easy to get along with.

At least, that's what goes on in my head at home. Then I get to school, and I turn into my middle school self again. Worried I'm gonna say or do something stupid or that people won't like me.

So today I went in to volunteer to help organize materials for the Supplemental Reading Program at our school. I knew one of the other moms from last year, so we sat and chatted as we worked. I was doing so great asking questions of the other ladies, making the work environment fun and the time pass quickly.

I had a drink from the gas station (because I'm smooth, see), and in the middle of the work, I imagined in my head that I was going to dump it over on the materials and show my true dorkiness. That didn't happen, don't worry.

The room filled up with volunteers after I was there for about an hour, and I was finishing up loading a box back up with a bunch of books and papers, feeling all accomplished and efficient. I took a break to go to the little girl's room.

Just as I went to wash my hands, I noticed something on my fingers. Upon closer examination, I saw that I'd sliced my cuticle on one of the boxes, and had bled all over without even realizing it.

Yep, I checked the box I'd just packed, and there was blood all up in there.

Dammit. I was so close to being cool. To fitting in. But no, I had to go and sabotage myself.

That was fun. Walking into a room of 7 well put together women and explain that I'd just FAILED TO NOTICE that I'd bled into a box of school materials.

I was sent to the workroom to attempt to White Out the blood, and my friends Monica and Louise were there working on other school projects, rocking out to some music. HERE are my people. Next time, I work in THAT room.

A Terrible Tragedy Has Befallen Kermit

2010-08-28T20:03:00.007-05:00

Loodle went out to water our bushes this afternoon, and she came back in wailing about a dead frog.

I went outside to the faucet and found this:

Poor, poor thing. I think it was harder to take because he was ~~so so stupid~~ caught in a Winnie the Pooh predicament. Lay off the honey in your next life, dude.

I felt truly terrible, and on my way back in, I paused to yell at a tiny lizard on the driveway.

"Why didn't you come get me? I totally would have pushed his butt through the hole with a paintbrush handle or something!"

Of course, now that he's dead and crusty, I'm not touching him, brush handle or no. Where are all the damn buzzards now that we need them?

RIP, Kermit. We look forward to seeing what cool things happen as you decay.

When It's Okay To Lie

2010-08-25T21:32:00.002-05:00

1. When you're buying Clearasil face wash for yourself because turning 39 magically transport your face back to it's glorious high school days, and the cashier looks at it and says, "oh, you must have kids", it's okay to lie. Yes. Yes, I have kids and this product is for them because I'm mature and only need Oil of Olay and fairy kisses to glow like an angel.

2. After you've stepped on a scorpion in your yard, (because you're too stupid to live in Texas and learn not to walk on grass without shoes), and it hurts like a mother, and your kid is looking at you with big, giant worried eyes? It's imperative that you lie and say you're FINE, no big deal. It DOES NOT, in fact, feel as if someone has shot you in the foot. It should not be worrisome to them that you still feel that pain 13 hours later.

3. When you've stepped on a scorpion, with your right foot of course, and you have to drive your daughter to softball practice which is half an hour away, it's completely reasonable to lie and tell your daughter that it's perfectly safe to drive with a bag of ice shoved into your flip flop.

4. When your crunchy neighbor hears that you've stepped on a scorpion, and calls her herbalist to see what you can take to aid in the healing process, and makes a special trip over to bring you lavender oil, it's okay to lie and say you're really looking forward to using it.

5. When you take your kids on a 5-hour outing that includes softball practice, and you come home to find that said kids left the fridge door wide open for the entire trip, bringing the inside of the fridge to a balmy 86 degrees, ruining the week's worth of groceries that you've just purchased, it's okay to lie and say, no big deal, accidents happen. (IT'S A BIG FREAKIN' DEAL. YOU'VE JUST COST ME AROUND $200 WHICH YOU WILL WORK OFF AND YOU'RE NEVER ALLOWED TO OPEN THE FRIDGE AGAIN.)

Happy 17th Anniversary To Us

2010-08-21T18:25:00.001-05:00

We're still havin' fun, and you're still the one.

Wordless Wednesday: Why Moving to This Community Was So Worth It

2010-08-18T09:08:00.008-05:00

Have I Mentioned My Kids Are Giants?

2010-08-12T20:41:00.002-05:00

I guess I'll just have to say it again. My kids are tall. Like really tall for their ages. I tell them time and time again how awesome it is to be tall, and that God makes people in all different sizes, so be happy with how you are. This all in preparation for any teasing they might get, something along the lines of Too Tall Jones, or Skinny Bones Jones.

Yeah, my last name used to be Jones. Why do you ask?

We had the kids' yearly checkups today, and Boodle is now 5'3". Five feet three inches. Did you know the average height for adult women is 5'4"? Tis true. The doctor told me so. My ten-year-old is the size of a slightly less-than-average grown woman.

She's trying to catch up maturity-wise as well. From setting up her own "vanity" area in her room, complete with acne-clearing medicine and her own hair dryer, to seeing bras strewn about the room, this girl is insisting on growing up. Must find a way to stop it. (Also must find way to delete this eventually so she never ever knows I wrote about such things)

Then there's Loodle, my 7 going on 22 year old. She's a cool 4'8", which is also off the chart for her age. For giggles, we compared her chart to Boodle's at the same age, and found that she is a full 2 inches taller than her sister was at 7. I had to break it to Boodle that she would probably be passed up by her sister. Tough break.

She can go talk to my 3 inches shorter than me older brother about that.

And Because She Doubted, God Smote Her

2010-08-11T14:39:00.005-05:00

Smited? She was smitten?

I don't know, but I woke up yesterday with a cold, thanks to my doubting the Word of God and all. I took a four hour nap and woke up STILL sick. What's that all about? FOUR HOUR NAPS SHOULD CURE ALL AILMENTS. (Note to God: thank you for making children grow older so they can fend for themselves when their mother is a giant sneezeball in bed. Amen.)

Boodle had leftover lasagna for dinner, and when I asked Loodle what she wanted, and she said peanut butter toast, I made it for her because YES.

My body decided that 4:30am was a good time to wake up and remind me that I'm sick, so I watched White Collar and fell asleep to an ABC Family movie, only to ~~be awoken by screaming banshee children playing ball in the house take that ball outside!!~~ get up again at 9am. Because God was still smoldering, I got a courtesy notice from the library about overdue books, so after a shower which made me feel marginally better (until I faced the mirror and my hair, MY HAIR), we went out and got Chicken Noodle Soup at Panera Bread. I was mistaken. THIS is what should cure all ailments.

We checked out 13 books from the library (you think I exaggerate, but we are a bunch of reading fools over here right now). I made a Herculean effort of going to the grocery store (because I cannot justify PB toast two days in a row) and came home and collapsed into my beloved big green chair. I then watched one of our signature Texas summer storms roll in, and it's POURING rain and kabooming thunder right now. Boodle is reading her new books under the craft table in the office.

Sickness and rainstorms are the perfect reason to stay right here in this chair until bedtime. As if I needed a reason.

How Do You Break Up With Your Church?

2010-08-09T11:29:00.002-05:00

If you have no interest in reading about my struggles with Religion, please come back later this week to hear my thoughts on our new ladder.

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I've been attending a church here in Texas since we moved. I did some research online before we moved, knowing I wanted to find one nearby that would help us acclimate to Texas. The current church was the first I attended, the kids liked it, I didn't hate anyone on sight, so we stayed. I'm super-scientific and exacting in my decision making processes.

Cut to three years later, when the bloom is off the rose, so to speak. Current church is Baptist affiliated, more specifically, Southern Baptist affiliated. This has never really been an issue before, because I'm not one to go out drinking, smoking and dancing at the clubs with other heathens. However, there was a small undercurrent which I chose to ignore until recently, when it has become a major undertow.

This church believes heavily in the roles of men and women in church, society and family. In particular, that women are not allowed to be in an authoritative position over men. There is scriptural basis for this, which they quote from 1 Timothy 3, and I've read it.

Here's the thing. I'm soooo not a feminist in any way shape or form. I'm super excited to be a stay at home mom and housewife and let The Man do all the heavy lifting. However. I really really have a hard time being told that women are not to be elders or deacons of a church, or that the only people they can teach are kids and other women.

When we lived in L.A., I went to a Presbyterian church that had both men and women serving as elders and deacons, and thought nothing of it. It never occurred to me that this was not the norm.

So here I am, struggling with what I feel is acceptable in today's society, and what I read from the bible which is supposed to be God's truth.

I think the bigger question I have is, how do we decide which parts of the New Testament are to be followed to the letter, and which can be adapted to today's society? I've done bible study classes, so I know why we don't follow all the craziness of the Old Testament (Leviticus, anyone?), because of the New Covenant through Jesus' death and resurrection. But it's the New Testament stuff that is being quoted, so I'm trying to figure all this stuff out.

I tried a new church yesterday that both girls loved, and they have no beef with Chicks in Charge. Meanwhile, a friend from the old church whose small group I recently began attending is apologizing for not helping me get to know the other members and wants to have us out to her lake house to remedy this.

She's also the leader of the ladies bible study class that I've attended for the last two years, which I've really enjoyed. All this while I'm thinking of leaving because I don't agree with the fundamentals of what she believes. Awesome.

Where to go from here. I've emailed my old pastor from L.A. to get his perspective on the whole thing, I'm planning on calling my good friend W (Hi, W!) to get her opinion since she's a lady with smarts and her dad was a pastor, and I'm ignoring the email from the lady from church for a day or two so I can ~~be a big fat chicken and avoid confrontation or debate~~ decide if I'm really leaving this church or just going through a time of doubt.

Feel free to weigh in if you've got some opinions on the whole thing. Please use your inside voices.

And We Have Internet

2010-08-07T13:28:00.003-05:00

I know you've all been up night worried about me being without the internet. It's okay. I'm okay. The internet's back. Although with the current haircut, it was fun to pretend I was back in 1987, when there was no internet. Of course, I'd have also been in my room listening to Walk Like An Egyptian and wondering which stirrup pants and matching scrunchy to wear to school tomorrow, and who wants to relive that?

So, before the whole internet and bangs debacle, I was planning in my head a post about the salon experience. I'll see if I can recreate it here.

I couldn't go to my normal gal downtown because my sitter, stylist and I were not on the same page in our schedules. The neighborhood place was a great solution. The salon is 3 minutes away, which allowed me to leave the kids at home.

When I got there, a man was sitting in one of the chairs, and turns out he was waiting for the male stylist to show up. They did much consulting about color and skin tone and the bringing out of the eyes. Far be it from me to judge, sitting here with these bangs, but the guy had to be in his late 40's, overweight and starting to go bald. You have to hand it to the stylist for making the guy feel like he was da bomb.

People, I was in that salon for 2.5 hours, and this guy was there the entire time. He left maybe 3 minutes before I did, and he dropped over $100 on his hair. Married with kids, from the (lengthy) conversation he had with the stylist. Not sure what I'd do if The Man came home and told me he'd dropped $100 and 2.5 hours of his time in the salon. Only one of us is allowed to have high maintenance hair.

Anyway, the stylist I had (let's call her Arlene) was the manager, hence the heated phone conversation with the other stylist that was running late and lying about it. Arlene was wearing a "dress" that kept me entertained while she worked. It was an "oh, I can't not look at it" struggle to see if it would in fact continue to rise up high enough for me to see her bloomers. I'm going to remember this fact for when I chuck this stay at home thing and become a hair stylist: do not wear clothes that require constant adjustment when your hands will forever be covered in permanent dye.

After consulting about what shade of color I needed (summer has faded my hair so much that the top layer is dark blond, while the bottom layers are the normal dark brown), she got started. Now, most stylists I've been to move around the chair while they work on different sides of your head. I'm pretty sure Arlene had her salon chairs oiled extra special because she whipped me around back and forth like a carnival ride. I'm not exaggerating at all to say that I was getting a bit queasy.

Then came the aforementioned hair thwapping, which I won't relive for MamaDB's sake, but let's just say the mood was much quieter after that whole deal. I think she was afraid I might sue her or something.

The thing about me in a salon is I turn into a complete wimpy wet noodle. I have almost no ability to speak up and say Hey, you're being too rough/making me nauseated/cutting too much off/oversharing. Plus, the thwapping I got was a complete accident so no need to go on about it. That's the last thing I need is my stylist to be all nervous that I might go off at any moment.

Oh, by the way, the music in the salon was straight up 90's hits. It was... interesting. Not that I didn't love that music, but really? 90's hits? Who does that?

So the color came out great and then it was time for the cut, at which point Late Stylist 2010 erupted. Apparently, stylist told Arlene that she was on her way, only to call a half hour later to say she'd be another 45 minutes, when she already had a client waiting for her.

Arlene, I have to say, is a bad ass. She called the girl out on lying, told her not to come in the rest of the day, and had the guy waiting come back later to do his hair herself. But then, of course, I got the earful, which required her to turn the hairdryer off several times to tell me what was what. At this point, she hadn't cut my bangs, so I was kinda amused at her tirade.

Then came The Bangs. Now we had a lengthy discussion about what I already have for bangs, why that wasn't working, and what I wanted to try. Arlene agreed that I needed some more framing on my face, and I THOUGHT she agreed that we would keep the bangs long, but would still cut them shorter that they were, which was down to my chin.

I remember specifically she said we'll cut them and see, and if they're too long we can cut them some more. To put this delicately, Arlene's first language was not English, so maybe I misunderstood her somehow? I don't know HOW, since "we'll cut them some more" implies there will be more than a couple inches to work with.

Suffice it to say, I closed my eyes for her to trim them, and when I opened them, I was stunned. Not that I've never had bangs before, but dude. They're so short. And kinda choppy, and not in a cool, trendy way. In a "hey, your mom should sharpen her kitchen shears" way.

Being the complete wimp that I am, and still kinda thinking that maybe it's just that I've not had bangs for so long and I'm over reacting, I say "well, it'll take me a few days to get used to it!", pay and get out of there.

When I came home, Boodle almost burst into tears. She was so upset about the bangs, and ordered me to get rid of them. Now that's a great idea. I'll just shave the bangs all the way off! *brushes off hands in satisfaction*

Later, I made fun of Loodle's outfit for some reason, and she said "well, at least I can change. You're stuck with that hair." Seven years old, y'all. She might not live to see eight.

The only upside to all this is The Man is out of town, so my hair has a few days to calm down. He probably has seen the photo from the other day, so at least he can school his face when he walks in the door Sunday night. Wish him luck.

So Today Sucked

2010-08-05T18:42:00.003-05:00

The Man left town yesterday for a fun convention that he goes to every year. This of course means that everything had to go wrong, making me a complete grump all the livelong day.

Over the weekend, we were talking finances, and this led to us decided to reduce ~~all the freaking ridiculous spending~~ monthly expenses. On Monday, The Man switched our phone service to a new carrier, and it would use (insert knowledgable technical jargon) to do its thing.

When I got up this morning, the internet was down, so I figured hey, it's time to switch us over.

Well, see here's the thing. HE LEFT YESTERDAY, so of course, today is the day that all the (insert knowledgable technical jargon) needed to be hooked up. Well, I'M computer savvy. I mean, I've seen a computer before. I've got a blog! I'm super smart, so I shall do all the installing myself!

Cut to me 10 minutes later. I've followed each step meticulously, but still, no dice. I call The Man and whine, I call internet people and whine. They all call me back and here's the other thing: our internet service provider does not provide service for the new phone service, so our internet access has been disconnected.

Awesome. Luckily, and this point cannot be stressed enough, THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. I had nothing to do with this boondoggle. But of course because The Man is out of town, I get to be The Cleaner. The Man instructs me to call the original phone carrier and ask them to just set us up with DSL only service.

Get that? Order new phone service, old internet service no longer available, contact old phone service and request internet service. We are nothing if not efficient. Which I think makes us nothing, but I'm still working out the math on that one.

You'll be happy to know that the old phone service, which is now the new internet service, can get a guy out here by Monday to set us up! Great. Who needs internet for 4 days? With kids at home all summer wanting nothing more than to play Webkinz and Mine Craft. Luckily, the local ice cream shop has free wi-fi, so for the price of two ice cream cones for the kids, here I am.

Now that you're all asleep, I can tell you that in the middle of all this phone/internet drama, I had a hair appointment with a new stylist.

Here's the other other thing: Don't ever switch stylists.

The End.

No, I won't leave you hanging. You know how sometimes you see people that have the exact same hairstyle that they had 15 years ago, and you wonder what the hell their deal is and why for the love of Pete they don't change their look? Yeah, it's probably becuase they went to a new stylist and requested an angled bob and long bangs, and ended up with a straight bob and short, awesome, day before picture day bangs, fully resembling the unfortunate cut they sported before they moved out of small hometown and discovered there were people who knew how to cut hair. I have been saying lately that I really don't mind that much what my hair looks like. That was really stupid, and if someone would go back in time and slap me, that would be great..

(MamaDB - don't read this next paragraph)

I probably should have left the salon when she colored a hank of hair, whipped it up on top of my head, only to have it come all the way around and thwap me straight in the eye. Maybe I couldn't leave, with the color in and all, but dude. Don't have eye-thwapper come near you with scissors. Just a little tip.

Also, when your stylist is having some type of phone altercation with an employee that she then proceeds to share angrily with you, while also trying to work in the guy who was waiting to get his hair cut by said employee and simultaneously cut your hair? Just leave. Get up and walk out. It really would be for the best. Distracted, angry stylists do not make for great hair. Another little tip. I should write a book.

I'm including the following awful, awful picture, as a permanent reminder to myself to never ever do this again. Also, because sometimes it's nice to cheer people up by showing them that their lives could be considerably worse.

Cheer up. YOU COULD HAVE THIS HAIR.

When I got home, I found cranky, hungry kids who had wrecked the joint. I put them to work, went out on the back porch to take terrible photos of myself, and saw this.

Great. Wasps love my hair and want to live as near to it as possible.

As a consolation, this lovely grasshopper also came to visit.

Unless it's a locust. It's a locust, isn't it? OF COURSE.

True Story

2010-08-02T14:05:00.002-05:00

I've been working in the office today while the kids run around the house doing heaven knows what. I start to smell a very flowery, perfume-y smell periodically. Good lord, WHAT did someone spray? Then it goes away for a bit.

So anyway, I'm sorting paperwork and calling phone companies and chatting with people and the smell keeps coming and going, only now there are no children coming and going, so it can't be them.

WHAT could that smell be?

Oh.

Right.

I just bought a clinical strength deoderant because I live in Texas, y'all, and what I do cannot possibly be described as "glowing". This morning was the first application.

Clinical strength = you've passed out from the flowery scent that's overcome you and now you don't CARE if you're sweaty.

What I Love Right Now

2010-07-26T21:51:00.002-05:00

So yeah, I suck and have been a terrible blogger. Here's a list of things, besides my children and the swimming pool, that are keeping me occupied:

-------

MOVIE - INCEPTION The Man and I saw this movie last night and we talked about it all the way home, and continued the conversation after I dropped the babysitter off. It's a crazy idea that is played out in a logical, smart and interesting manner.

TV - DROP DEAD DIVA (LIFETIME) It's a crazy concept, and kinda cheesy, but I love the main character. She's spunky and it's not full of fat jokes.

BOOKS - SOOKIE STACKHOUSE SERIES by CHARLAINE HARRIS I know. They're trashy, but I love them so. I love the alternate world she's created where vampires have "outed" themselves and are trying to live in society. If you can skip the p0rny sections, the books are a great read. I want to see the True Blood series on HBO that is based on these books, but have heard they're even MORE p0rny, so hmmm.

MUSIC - COSMIC LOVE by FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE Heard this song for the first time on So You Think You Can Dance, and loooooved the dance, which I think influenced my opinion of the song. I downloaded it as soon as I got back to Texas, and have been annoying the hell out of the kids by playing it over and over. Payback for future torture, kids.

So what's been keeping you busy this summer? Cause that's what I need: more distractions.

Okay, So We've Been Busy

2010-07-22T20:14:00.012-05:00

So much for getting back from vacation with a renewed vigor for my blog. Who knew that with two kids home for the summer, we might actually be away from the house for long periods during the day? Someone should write a helpful summer guide with tips like that included. Make a million.

We've been doing things. Fun things. Things that probably don't translate well to blog words.

"So we had this play date with a friend of Loodle's? And the mom made pancakes for dinner that had squash and bananas in them. I didn't get the recipe. The end."

However, I've got photos to encapsulate the past week, which included art camp (sculpture was the focus for the week), a hamster with an infection, and a probable busted toe. This weekend, we're getting our knives sharpened! I'll be sure to prepare a photo essay.

Yeah, I thought sculpture meant something regarding clay, but it did not. Clearly. Above are wire sculptures. Next are cityscapes.

The following are the tables that they embellished, which provided the sculptural element.

-----

Max the Hamster had to go to the doctor to get his right eye checked. He was not happy with this turn of events. After attempting to chew his way through is travel bus

and then through the plastic bin/exam tub

and then eventually through my fingers, he was diagnosed with an eye infection and I was given two eye drops to administer. The best part: you have to wait 15 minutes between drops, so he gets all relaxed after the trauma of me wrapping him in a towel and dropping things into his eye, and then we do it AGAIN.

-----

Someone put furniture in my house. (Three years ago, but still.) After that much pain, I'm kinda in favor of bean bag chairs all around.
(No, it's not the crooked second toe. That's been that way since birth. It's the ugly purple 4th toe. Ring toe?)

On a bright note, blue nail polish and flowers!

Book Club

2010-07-15T16:59:00.000-05:00

I've recently been allowed to join the neighborhood book club. I've been on the waiting list for months: don't ask. We read East of Eden by John Steinbeck, which I actually really loved. There were several pages that I dog-eared (for shame!) and annotated because several of the passages were really great.

Others in the group? Not fans. They didn't like the meandering "side stories" much. However, it was an interesting and lively discussion, and I'm glad there WAS a discussion. It's great to dust off my brain cells and get them churning again. I'm mumbledy years out of college, and I really didn't churn them much then anyway.

Next up: The House of the Scorpion, by Nancy Farmer. I've got 6 weeks to read it. If you want to join our book club, you know, virtually, get reading!

My Favorite Kind of Beach Day

2010-07-13T22:06:00.005-05:00

I grew up on the central coast of California. Sun and fun, right? Well, fun, yes. Sun? Not always. Fog was frequently the major player in the weather forecast. Also, my hometown was just inland from a sand dune beach with major rip currents and lots of wind. It screams bikinis and bonfires, no?

Because of these factors, I grew up wearing a sweatshirt and jeans to the beach, and stuck to gathering shells on the shore rather than taking a dip in the ocean.

On our trip to California recently, we stopped at the beach on the way up to visit my mom and friends in our hometown. To me, it was the perfect day for it. For others? Probably more gloomy than they'd like, but I was happy as a clam. Plus, no sunscreen needed!**

(Look! It's me! I'm attempting to get out from behind the camera more. I'm sorry.)

** Yes, I know: "sunscreen must be worn at all times the sun is from the devil no wonder you have to Photoshop your face how can you not protect the preshus children?". Save it. It's over. You won't change me. Moving on.

Breaking News

2010-07-12T07:38:00.003-05:00

This just in:

The BD household is happy to report the return of beloved pet Hamilton the hamster. He was welcomed home after a whirlwind tour of their domicile. BD caught up with the weary traveler in the guest room, where Hamilton sat up on his hind leg and pleaded to be returned to his primary colored haven.

When asked about his various travels, Hamilton was decidedly tight-lipped. This reporter believes that at least part of his journey was harrowing, due to the time spent tossing back water at Ye Olde Water Bottle in his cage.

Hamilton was welcomed home by sleepy owner Boodle, who was awoken late at night, as promised by her mother. She gave her pet a hug and kiss, then promptly resumed snoring.

Peace reigns once again. Hamilton will enjoy a quiet day today, as the rest of the household will travel to Sea World, where they will consider how much easier it would be to locate a lost pet manatee.

HamsterWatch 2010

2010-07-09T13:43:00.004-05:00

This just in:

We've had another hamster ~~irresponsibly left on a couch unattended for hours on end~~ escape in the BD household. We're on HamsterWatch 2010. What does this consist of? Take a look:

(Well for starters, it means taking a rather blurry photo of an empty cage. Who knew?)
(Those stickers are fairy stickers, in case you were wondering)
(What? TWO GIRLS up in here)

Pictured: one hamster cage, left open, tantalizingly open, if you ask this reporter.

Not pictured: various nuts strewn about the floor, in the hopes of luring Hamilton the Hamster back to his cozy home. Also, sad, worried faces. And obviously, a 3-legged hamster who wasn't the brightest bulb in the box to begin with. We love you, Hamilton!

When we perfect our DopplerHamsterTracker 4000 technology (patent pending), we'll be bringing you live satellite imagery, so as to emphasize the dire nature of this event.

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Who ARE You?

2010-07-08T17:32:00.003-05:00

My eldest daughter is currently in her room trying on make-up that she bought today with her own money at Claire's.

She's wearing distressed jeans, a camisole with a built-in bra, and a denim button down shirt thrown on over it.

She's got her hair pulled back in a cute headband and she's started parting her bangs on the side instead of straight down the middle.

She's listening to a mix cd she just made for herself, which contains music by Justin Timberlake, Taio Cruz, Lady Gaga, and Chris Daughtry.

She just brushed her teeth (in the middle of the day, no less) with the new toothpaste I bought for her that has no cartoon characters on it whatsoever.

I'm not certain who this being is that I've brought back with me from California, but I'm pretty sure she's arrived a few years too early.

Home

2010-07-08T02:22:00.001-05:00

A Video and a Farewell

2010-06-22T07:43:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow we leave for a two week trip to California, and I am not *gulp* bringing my laptop. I'm leaving it here for The Man to ~~tear his hair out and swear a bunch~~ work his magic on and make faster and stuff.

I'm thinking the frequency of my blogging lately will not improve much while I'm gone, so I'm leaving you with something totally inappropriate to laugh at. And I've watched it at least 10 times and giggled every time. Next time Loodle creates one of her fashion disasters to wear to the store, I'm doing exactly this:

Who names their cat Speedo???

Have a great two weeks, y'all!

I'm So Above That

2010-06-17T22:56:00.003-05:00

Apparently, Campbell's is recalling meatball varieties of Spaghettios.

We don't have to worry, we don't eat that garbage: we eat the kind with hot dogs.

-----

Tonight was Bunco Night. JERSEY SHORE Bunco Night. Oh yeah we did.

**Aside: I personally do not get into the whole dressing up part of the Bunco Night. I'm routinely the most casual person in the room. BY FAR. I'm sure in the secret society playdates to which I'm not invited (you think I'm kidding, but I am not), they speak of what a downer I am, but if I have to WORK at getting ready to go roll dice with friends in the neighborhood at 8pm, I'm not doing it. Nothing different about tonight, although I did pair my capri jeans with a low cut top. I gave it a little effort.

These ladies, though. The Snookie poof was proudly worn (I didn't exactly know what that was, but was quickly schooled in all things Snookie), and many multiple cleavages were proudly displayed. One lady already owned zebra print bra straps. There will probably be Facebook photos, in which we made a Snookie face (again, what's that?). So glad I'm still the last person on earth not on Facebook.

-----

This last one's a little more serious. A while back, we went to a monastery to see the miniature horses that were raised there by the nuns. As we walked around, I saw a young woman wearing an extremely revealing, and ill-fitting top along with skin tight jeans that rode too low. I surreptitiously snapped a photo of her, with the intent to do a blog post about what you should be wearing around a bunch of nuns. And children. And animals.

Something has kept me from doing it, and a few days ago I realized why. I was at the mall with the girls, eating in the food court. There was a table of high schoolers next to us, and on the other side of them, a man was sitting eating his lunch. He was odd looking, older, kind of a mouth-breather, if you know what I mean.

I glanced over at the teenagers to see that they were surreptitiously taking photos of him, presumably to share with friends, possibly on the dreaded Facebook. I was disgusted by them, kinda hoping that I'd catch them taking a picture of ME so I could ream them out publicly, put them in their places.

THEN I started thinking, dude, I was gonna do the same thing with that girl. How exactly is that different, miss above-it-all? It's not.

Life lesson learned. And at the hands of teenagers, dammit.

The Good and the Bad

2010-06-16T19:29:00.002-05:00

*The Bad thing about raising girls:

Well, basically it all boils down to hormones. And all that that entails. Still struggling with how much info is too much info when blogging about a daughter approaching puberty. I'm thinking less is more, frankly.

*The Good thing about raising girls:

-You get to rock out to music that no self-respecting 39-year-old Texas woman should be listening to, much less enjoying.

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-06-11T21:05:00.004-05:00

This is the present my youngest chose to bestow upon me this morning:

How well she knows me.

Eldest daughter chose an amazon gift certificate, with instructions to get myself some books! (exclamation point is a direct quote). How well SHE know me.

The Man let me sleep in past 9am and took me out for teppanyaki and then frozen yogurt. HOW WELL HE KNOWS ME.

I Have a Problem

2010-06-05T21:46:00.003-05:00

So I've got this problem. I have my injured shoulder from being Hunchback McSloucherson, for which I am in Physical Therapy. You know that, but that's not my problem.

My problem is my Physical Therapist. My new PT. See, the first one was a cute girl who I could fit into my pocket and was sunshine and fun. But she had some other business venture that needed more of her time, so she had to leave. She assured me that her colleague Travis was trained by the same people, and would do very well.

What she didn't tell me was that Travis is what I would describe as a metrosexual version of Jake Gyllenhaal. The dude is super hot. His hair is kinda longish, he's tall and lean, and oh dear, his eyes. (Hey, hubs! Still love ya! Thanks for reading!!)

I usually do not get distracted by super hot men. But then most men do not rub all over my shoulder and back. Most men do not, upon seeing me successfully complete some stretching exercise, give me the sexy version of "yes, good, that's it".

Don't worry, I'm pretty sure he's young enough to be my son, so ewwww. But still. If I have to go work muscles I had no clue even existed, it's nice to have something interesting to look at.

Wordless Wednesday: What's Wrong With This Picture?

2010-06-02T18:04:00.003-05:00

View:

Warning Sign on Way to View:

Close-Up:

Hey, Four Eyes!

2010-05-31T20:18:00.003-05:00

Mama DB, avert your eyes for a paragraph, OK?

About 12 years ago, I had laser eye surgery to repair my crappy vision and an astigmatism. This was in the beginning days of Lasik, before every Tom, Dick and Harry was preforming the surgery on street corners. It was a big deal, involving a whole weekend of drama and protective lenses falling out and fears that my eyes were ruined! Until I finally calmed the hell down and realized, hey! I can read the names on the football players' jerseys on TV! WITH NO GLASSES! Sweeeeeeet.

Fast forward 12 years. The old gray mare, she ain't what she used to be. I've become squinty, especially at night, while driving or watching TV. I went and got my eyes checked, thinking I would need a "touch-up". Turns out, things only changed slightly, requiring me to wear glasses only at night while driving, or when it's dark and my eyes are tired. Hence the squinty TV watching. (Hey, spell-check: how is "squinty" not a word???)

So, here's me in my super sexy, super intelligence-boosting frames:

Because I only need to wear them at night (when no one really will SEE ME in them) (except for anyone on the internet who stumbles upon this) (dammit), I splurged and got the $9 frames and $18 plastic lenses from The Walmart. They SCREAM hip and sexy, no?

At least I'm not ready for bifocals yet.

Random Photo Friday

2010-05-28T14:10:00.000-05:00

I'm going to post a bunch of random stuff I've been meaning to post, just so I can get it out of my mental queue. Enjoy!

Cake made by my college-age cousin for our Easter egg coloring party. I'm still not sure how she did it, and she explained it to me. I'll stick to chocolate on a pretzel, thanks.

Can you tell what this is? Hint: the finale featured bands that were popular before the final two contestants were even BORN. What was up with that? (And no, I cannot explain why so many people involved were members of the Rebel Alliance from Star Wars)

Giraffe mocks me to my face.

I can't even talk about this "pizza". Let's just say the sauce involved cream cheese, sour cream and dill, but the veggies made it HEALTHY.

I love this photo I got of a peacock at a nearby park.

And this one.

Oh, and this one. I'm done now.

"Mom, take a picture of me. Look, I'm a teenager." Good lord.

This. If you're ever in Solvang, California, order Aebleskivers. You will not regret it. Well, maybe if you eat more than your weight in them, you might. Or you're diabetic. Or for some insane reason, you don't like deliciousness wrapped in raspberry sauce and powdered sugar. It's hard to stop once you start. Have an Aebleskiver buddy along just in case, to keep you in check.

The entire vibe of this place is just like this sign. Love it.

Likeness to Moses? UNCANNY

2010-05-27T19:58:00.002-05:00

Behold, Moses.

In all his holiness. He's even got a nametag. It says Moses A. Bet you didn't know that Moses from the bible had a last name. You DON'T know it? Heathen.

Actually, he didn't have a last name. That I'm aware of. (Pot/kettle). This isn't the REAL Moses.

Do you know who this is? If you don't live in Texas (or even if you do and have been out of school for multiple decades), you might not know that this is in fact Moses Austin, father of Stephen F. Austin, pioneer of, um, things that are important here in Texas.

Hey, it wasn't MY project. This goes to the point of this post. I had absolutely nothing to do with the creation of Moses here. Literally. NOTHING. I gave Boodle her supplies to create him for her final fourth grade Texas history project, turned around to start dinner, and 20 minutes later, I turned back to see Moses in all his foam and felt glory.

Finally, art classes are paying off. I envisioned a looooooong evening consisting of tears and frustration, with me making a late night trip for more supplies after I ruined EVERY sheet of felt with my mad skillz. Alas, I was wholly unimportant.

Is the school year OVER yet????

Wordless Wednesday: Obligatory Texas Bluebonnet Pics

2010-05-19T23:52:00.005-05:00

Now with cousins!

Sick and Wrong

2010-05-18T22:18:00.004-05:00

Scene: Watching Law & Order on a Tuesday night, The Man sitting in his seat on the couch, me in my beloved big green chair across the room. Character on show has taken her husband's corpse and turned it into a faux diamond ring.

Me: Oh, yeah, I'm totally doing that with you.

The Man: *smirk*

Me: But could you bulk up first? I want a really big rock.

The Man: Doesn't work that way. Fat just sizzles away.

Me: Nah.

The Man: You've cooked bacon, right?

Me: *pause* Mmm, bacon.

This One Goes Out To All My Homies

2010-05-17T11:20:00.000-05:00

Don't even be playin' like I ain't cool in my ride.

Peace out.

The Great "By/On" and "By/Of" Debacle

2010-05-16T22:20:00.003-05:00

There are two word usages that have been confusing me lately, and I need your input. Apparently, I'm old and things are changing.

The first is the whole "by accident" turning into "on accident". I don't get this. When did this change, and who authorized it? My daughter started saying "on accident" and then I started hearing it from other kids. I corrected Boodle for a while, but then started to doubt myself. Turns out, "on accident" is now acceptable. Dude. Cats and dogs, living together. It'll be anarchy. (Name that movie).

The second I just heard tonight on New Adventures of Old Christine. They kept saying that a character would be "embarrassed of" someone instead of "embarrassed by" someone. Is THIS a thing now? Do I have to go back to school again to relearn what I thought was the GOSPEL of English language?

Help me out. Is there anything else out there that's changed that I don't know about? Are you all laughing at me because I've been doing it wrong for three years now? I knew it.

Of Posture and Poker

2010-05-15T21:47:00.002-05:00

So, it turns out that my shoulder problem (did you remember I have a shoulder problem?) is due to my habitual poor posture. Hello, my name is Slumpy McHuncherson.

That's right. I should have listened to my mother all those times she told me to stand up straight. Apparently, I hunch my shoulders, which has caused my left shoulder blade and it's surrounding muscles to shift out of place. Then, when I attempt to use my left arm (lift things, exercise and such), the whole area becomes irritated and inflamed.

Off to physical therapy I go. How embarrassing. I almost wish I had suffered some kind of awesome injury, like I was using a bow and arrow when the feather fletching tickled my wrist, causing the string to slip and the bow nock to crack into my shoulder. How much cooler would that sound, and all I had to do was google the parts of a bow and arrow to come up with that whopper.

Too late I guess.

------

Tonight was Casino Night at our neighborhood association. They had several tables set up, with Texas Hold 'Em, Three Card Poker (which we played all night), Craps, and Blackjack. They also had some delicious snacks, including samples of olive and balsamic oils from a local company. They made some chocolate cake made from the olive oil. Yum.

Because we would only be 3 minutes away, we decided to let the girls stay home, with Boodle in charge of getting them ready for bed. We made it to 9:30pm before getting the call that Boodle was a little nervous and could we come home.

Ah well, we gave it a shot, and had a great time while we were there. My friend Monica was there, so we gave her all our poker chips to play with. Hopefully she'll get us some good raffle prizes.

Catching Up

2010-05-14T22:20:00.003-05:00

So, I've finally committed to catching up on my blog. I know. You're relieved that I wasn't carried away by a giant scorpion. And can't WAIT to see what I've been up to. Actually, you probably forgot all about me, for which I cannot blame you.

The thing is, I couldn't remember half of what I've been doing since the middle of April, when my sister-in-law and her family came and threw a wrench in the blog works. So I went back through my photos, and lo and behold. Evidence that I've been doing stuff. And things. For a while. Culminating with a trip to California for Mother's Day. A gift for my mom as well as myself. New tradition: abandon your children on Mother's Day. It's awesome.

Anyway. I'll be posting ~~probably~~ ~~hopefully~~ ~~oh who knows, I'll most likely drop off the face of the earth again~~ every day until I get caught up. You're excited, right? Well, you'll just have to control your impatience. I don't want to hurt myself getting back on the horse.

For now, here are two juvenile, I have the brain of a 12-year-old boy photos I need to share with you:

Don't you want to sink your teeth into one of these?

Do you get it? the 8 looks like a "B". And then there's two oranges in the middle. Which are round and start with "O".

GO BOOBYS!

Whoo boy. Maybe my blog hiatus should have been a bit longer.

Wordless Wednesday: The TRUE Blue Bird of Happiness

2010-04-28T07:47:00.000-05:00

Should I Be Concerned?

2010-04-23T07:06:00.001-05:00

Boodle: Hey Mom. When you're getting us ready in the morning, make sure you give me two different colored Gummy Bear vitamins, because I like to tear their heads off and put them on the other bodies.

Me: Okay, I'm sorry. I had no idea you were twisted and weird.

Boodle, to herself: Heh heh. Twisted and weird.